


Minato's: The Art of Being Dead

by PyrothTenka



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Family, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-10
Updated: 2014-10-23
Packaged: 2018-01-08 06:15:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 27,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1129291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PyrothTenka/pseuds/PyrothTenka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trust the yondaime to turn death into a minor inconvenience.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One: Being Dead Sucks**

Twelve years ago, if anyone had thought to ask Minato what he thought his life would be like in twelve years, this was not how he would have ever pictured it. Being trapped in the Kyuubi’s seal while watching his son live his terrible life sucked. Not to mention, more than a little boring.

He wasn’t even sure he was himself, wasn’t his soul supposed to be trapped in the belly of the death god or something? He did vaguely recall storing a piece of himself in the seal, was that him? A small part of himself, but not actually himself?

It was all rather confusing, and not something he would have normally dwelt on if it weren’t practically the only thing there was to do. Think. Watch through Naruto’s eyes. Get mad at the villagers. Think some more. Plot with Kushina on the best ways to get revenge on the most vitriol of Naruto’s persecutors. Oh, and _think._

Yeah, Kushina was here too. At some point while they were both impaled and dying on the Kyuubi’s claw, she’d tied her own bit of self into the jutsu as well. At least he wasn’t alone, but of all the people to be locked in tight quarters with for years, Kushina was not exactly on the top of his list. Oh, he loved his wife dearly, and before this whole seal fiasco she had definitely topped that list, but now that he’d actually spent twelve years locked up with her... well...

Let’s just say Kushina had significantly less patience with boredom and monotony than Minato did, and he’d never been known for patience.

They did agree on quite a few things, though, like how Kakashi and Jiraiya needed a stern talking to. Especially Jiraiya, Minato had named the toad sage Naruto’s godfather for a reason, where was he? Why had his son been raised in an orphanage until he’d been kicked out at age six? At least the sandaime had found enough time in his busy schedule to set the boy up with an apartment and enroll him in the academy. Minato was grateful for that much.

And Kakashi. The boy he and Kushina had taken in after his parents had died. He couldn’t have done the same for their son? The yondaime just couldn’t understand how his old student and practically adopted son could watch his actual son be spit on and reviled by the village Minato and his wife had sacrificed their lives to save.

Part of him was beginning to think Minato had never had any real friends to begin with.

It was only a passing thought, but it disturbed him nonetheless. It didn’t help that Kushina often complained along those same lines. Heaven help Kakashi or Jiraiya if his wife ever got free. She often expounded in great detail on the punishments she had planned for them should she ever get the opportunity to do so.

Which led to their current situation. Naruto had graduated from the academy. Oh, yes, they had watched every minute of _that_ ; and if Minato had thought Kushina had exhausted all her threats on Kakashi and Jiraiya, he’d been proven wrong when she let loose another flood of graphic imagery that had Minato wondering how she’d never pursued a career in the T&I department in regards to Naruto’s Mizuki-sensei. Not that Minato hadn’t agreed with every word of it, nor kept himself from adding his own suggestions.

But that had all happened last night; and, while they still wished to impart much bodily harm on Mizuki, they’d been distracted from such fantasies by the appearance of the subject of one of their _other_ enigmatic ponderings. Namely one Hatake Kakashi.

‘ _That... that...!!!’_ Kushina was sputtering, ‘ _lazy, no good, deadbeat, one-eyed... !!! How_ dare  _he! How dare he show his face -four hours late, no less!- to my son after what he’s put him through!’_

‘ _Kushina...,’_ Minato tried, in a halfhearted attempt at calming her down. He was pretty upset with the Jounin himself.

‘ _Shove it, Minato! He deserves it, and don’t you even pretend you don’t agree with me! He let our son be raised in that cold place by those horrible people... and did nothing when he was kicked out? Stood by while the villagers threw rocks and refuse at him? He_ deserves  _it!’_

‘ _I’m not disagreeing, I just think that maybe we should give him a chance to explain himself,’_ Minato said diplomatically.

The white-haired jounin looked up from where he had been staring contemplatively at the chalk eraser Naruto had placed in the door jam to punish their late teacher (Kushina was proud of their son’s penchant for pranks, Minato found it amusing if a bit immature) and spoke in a calm voice, “My first impression of you: I hate you.”

‘ _What?!’_ Minato demanded, his own anger over-powering his previous diplomatic countenance.

‘ _You hate my son?! I’m gonna disembowel you with a rusty spoon and use your rib cage for a ramen bowl, Hatake!!! He should hate you!’_ Kushina snarled.

‘ _But then he’d be dead, Dear. Kneecaps, they’re much more painful and won’t kill you,’_ Minato offered in his own growl.

‘ _Make an awfully small ramen bowl, wouldn’t they?’_

‘ _Eh, you can always refill it and then there’ll be one for each of us.’_

‘ _... Did you just suggest we dinner date over Kakashi’s kneecaps?’_

‘ _... Well, I didn’t_ not  _suggest it.’_

‘ _Ha! I knew there was a reason I married you. Kneecaps it is then,’_ Kushina mused, sending her husband waves of affection. ‘ _Seriously though, kid ignores our son for twelve years and the first thing he says to him is ‘I hate you’? As if Naruto didn’t get that enough from everyone else. You’d think he’d have learned manners from... well, not from me, but from you, certainly!’_

Minato frowned as he watched Naruto climb the stairs to where they were to meet Kakashi, their new jounin instructor, on the roof. ‘ _It is rather out of character for him. Maybe with the combination of Obito and our deaths he took a hard turn? It might explain why he’s ignored Naruto for so long.’_

‘ _Oh, no you don’t, Namikaze! Don’t you dare go be all ‘Mr. Nice Guy’ and start giving him the benefit of the doubt! This is our son! The one we gave our lives for! The one that protects the village every day just by living! The child I never thought I’d have!’_ Kushina raged.

Minato winced at the last part. She had warned him, about having a child. How the birthing process weakened the seal and made it too risky for the Uzumaki jinchuuriki females to ever have children. Kushina had been the prison for the nine-tailed fox demon before Naruto had been born. Minato had assured her that he’d studied it out and could make it work. That they could have had a family. It would have worked too; who could have predicted that stranged masked person (who he was fairly certain was Uchiha Madara, he just didn’t have any proof.) that wrenched control of the demon at the last minute and set it loose on Konoha?

Minato still felt guilty for it. Not that he ever regretted having a son, no, he just wished they had... done something to prevent it.

‘ _Argh! Stop it, Minato!’_ Kushina snapped at him. ‘ _It wasn’t your fault. I can feel your guilt from here. You won’t allow me to blame myself, I certainly won’t allow you to blame yourself! Besides, we’re clearly blaming Kakashi right now!’_

Minato wasn’t sure how she’d managed to do it, being an incorporeal spirit, but she’d somehow developed a way to spiritually ‘poke’ him in a highly irritating manner. Trust Kushina to find some way to annoy people from the dead. ‘ _Alright, I’ll stop. Quit that. What are they doing now?’_

‘ _Eh, something about getting to know each other. I wasn’t paying attention beyond being annoyed at Kakashi for not giving any real answers.’_

‘ _That actually is in character for him, you do realize, right?’_

‘ _That doesn’t mean I can’t get angry at him for it. He suggested the ‘getting-to-know-you’ game, he better darn well give a better example than ‘that’s none of your business’. Feh.’_

“My goal is the resurrection of my clan and... to kill a certain man.”

‘ _... Well, someone’s got issues,’_ Kushina snorted

‘ _You know, that Sasuke kid is really making it hard to refute that ‘all Uchiha are crazy’ nonsense left over from Nidaime’s reign,’_ Minato sighed. ‘ _Besides, I hardly think you have any room to claim someone else has issues when you were just discussing eating out of someone’s kneecaps.’_

‘ _Not ‘someone’s’ kneecaps, Kakashi’s kneecaps. And only because he deserves it.’_

The introductions ended, and Minato watched in growing amusement as Kakashi left the oh-so familiar instructions for the next day. ‘ _Ha! I can’t believe he’s continuing with the tradition of the bell test. He’s probably using the same bells I did.’_

‘ _The bell test?’_ Kushina asked, and Minato could just feel the raised eyebrow.

‘ _Yeah, it’s a tradition passed on from my sensei’s sensei to my sensei to me. And now Kakashi. This’ll be fun, though I bet it’s either Naruto or the pink-haired girl-’_

‘ _Sakura,’_ Kushina interrupted with an implied eyeroll.

‘ _Sakura, right. I knew that. I bet it’s either of those two tied to the log at the end.’_

‘ _Log.’_ It was less of a question and more of a not-so-subtle reminder to her husband that she was lacking a lot of context.

‘ _Oh, right. So, the object of the bell test...’_ he went on to explain the tradition passed down from probably the Nidaime down to their Naruto. Kushina interrupted frequently to remind him to give more details at certain parts, but he didn’t mind. It wasn’t often they found a topic they hadn’t already talked to death. In fact, Kushina took great pleasure in ‘adapting’ the bell test into some form of torture for Kakashi and Jiraiya. Then she went on to figuring out how she would do at it (amazingly awesome, of course), and how she might give it had she a three man genin team to test.

It kept them entertained through the otherwise torturously boring night. Was it bad that they actually hoped a burglar might sneak into Naruto’s apartment some nights just so they’d have something interesting to watch? Probably, but Minato chalked it up to the madness of prolonged confinement. He was pretty sure it would have been much worse if Kushina hadn’t been there.

Slowly, the night sky lightened and dawn came. Tomorrow, Naruto would find out if he truly became a ninja.

* * *

 **A/N:** So, yeah, there's the first chapter. Hope you guys like it. I'll get the next one up soon, this is already posted on ff.net under the same name and author if you're impatient.

Next chapter: Minato life hacks! Should be good times. :3 

-Py


	2. Hiraishin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minato life-hacks. Kakashi is skeptical. Kushina is upset.

**Chapter Two: Hiraishin**

Morning came, and Naruto’s parents watched as he took off toward the meet up place without having breakfast. Minato sighed (which really was a lot harder than it sounded when you didn’t have lungs to huff air out with), he could just see Naruto strapped to that log already.

Kakashi was late again. Kushina was speculating which bones would make good chopsticks to go with their kneecap bowls. Then went on to wondering how to get said bones out of his body in the most painful way possible without killing him when he held a kunai to the back of Naruto’s neck. To be fair, their son had attempted a blatant full frontal attack on a jounin, what had he expected to happen?

It was then that Minato felt it. He wasn’t sure what it was, just some little nagging sensation on the edge of his senses. _His_ -as in Minato’s- senses, not Naruto’s senses. Which was odd, because Minato hadn’t had any real senses in twelve years. Like Kushina, he experienced everything outside of their little seal pocket through Naruto’s faculties. To suddenly have input from his own senses was a bit of a shock.

‘ _Did... did you feel that?’_ he asked his wife as the ‘feeling’ disappeared and he returned his attention to where Kakashi had given the word to begin. Sasuke and Sakura had launched themselves into the trees to hide immediately, while Naruto only leapt a few feet back to shout a challenge at the lackadaisical jounin.

‘ _Feel what?’_ Kushina grumped back. ‘ _Feel the impending doom of ‘tied-to-log’iness that Naruto is no doubt inflicting upon us?’_

‘ _No... something-,’_ Minato was interrupted by his wife’s wordless shriek of rage and indignation when Kakashi pulled out a book to read while he fought Naruto. ‘ _Calm down, Kushina, it’s just a tactic to get Naruto-’’_

‘ _HOW CAN HE READ THAT SMUT IN FRONT OF OUR SON?!?’_ she demanded loudly.

Smut? Minato took another look at the book and sighed. ‘ _Icha Icha Paradise_ ’ had still been in the editing stage, last he’d remembered, and Jiraiya had asked both Kushina and he to go over it. Kushina had burnt her copy of the manuscript before even finishing the first chapter. Minato had promptly returned his copy to his sensei begging off with some excuse he couldn’t remember now less he face the wrath of his wife for reading it. Still, her reaction alone was enough to tell Minato what was in it.

‘ _... Kakashi reads that? In public?’_ Minato said, voicing his confusion. That... didn’t seem like the Kakashi he’d known at all. Such a stickler for rules and foregoing all emotion... what had happened to that boy?

‘ _In front of our son, Minato!’_

‘ _Well, it’s earlier than I would have liked, yet later than I’d have thought it happening. He’d have been exposed to it eventually through Jiraiya-sensei anyway. I suppose that’s one benefit to Jiraiya being missing.’_

‘ _Jiraiya...’_ Kushina growled, spitting out the name like it was her most hated mortal enemy.

‘ _Right, oh look, Naruto is attacking again!’_ Minato interrupted before she could go off on one of her rants.

She gave him a general sense of ‘I know what you just did’ but settled down to watch anyway. Naruto was rushing at the jounin again, using his brute force tactics, but without the brute force. It was going about as well as could be expected, and right in the middle of it the... feeling came back again. Minato focused on it as he tried to figure out what it was. It felt almost familiar- ah, it was gone again.

And now Naruto was flying into the river after a very... interesting attack from behind. Seriously, what was wrong with Hatake Kakashi?

‘ _Naruto, this is your mommy speaking! I order you to beat this man to a bloody pulp! Do it for your mother!’_

‘ _You know he can’t hear us, right?’_

Kushina snorted, also a difficult maneuver with no lungs, ‘ _He can so, look, he’s doing something!’_

Naruto was in fact ‘doing something’, and his parents watched with a bit of pride as it looked like their son wasn’t giving up so easily. Oh, the plan would fail, that was for sure, but it was a _plan_. Which was better than what Naruto had been doing.

Their son flopped up onto the shore and sputtered some excuse about being caught off guard. Minato couldn’t tell if he actually thought that was a valid excuse, or was just using it as a distraction. Probably both. His son wasn’t exactly one for subtlety.

The distraction seemed to be working, and Naruto made it even bigger when his kage bunshin came bursting out of the water and charged the jounin. Kakashi must have really been underestimating his sensei’s son, because one of Naruto’s bunshin managed to catch his teacher from behind.

It was then that little feeling from before exploded into existence firmly in the back of Minato’s mind. Hiraishin, that’s what it was. Kakashi was carrying one of his three pronged Hiraishin blades; and every time Naruto had gotten close to him, Minato had felt the extension of his senses that came with being in range of any of his seals. Before he hadn’t felt it strong enough to use, now though... now it seemed to be a very large glowing sign that said ‘teleport here!’.

Unthinkingly, that’s exactly what Minato did.

It was by far the strangest Hiraishin teleport he’d ever experienced. It was like he landed in a space just large enough for one person, but there was someone already there. The entity tried to push him out, and when Minato pushed back, it just sort of... popped out of existence. Instantly Minato was flooded by a tsunami of sensory input. He had a body again, and it was far more disorienting than he’d imagined it would be. By far the worst part was the sudden nausea that came when his spiritual chakra met with a strange, almost-but-not-quite-his, physical chakra. A very large amount of physical chakra.

His new body was currently holding someone, and when that someone shifted at his momentary lapse in bodily control, Minato tightened his grip. After a split second appraisal of his current position, he shifted to a better one. One that involved placing his knees and feet at certain painful pressure points to help keep his larger opponent subdued.

Now... why was he suddenly grappling with an opponent almost twice his size?

Also, did he really have that many Hiraishin seals still intact around Konoha? They lit up his senses like stars. The now-broken perimeter around the village, the few Hiraishin-access-only safe houses located at various remote locations, and a select few in key strategic locations throughout the village itself. There were fewer of those last ones left than any of the others, and none at all remained of the ones he’d placed around the hokage’s office and home, not that he’d expected any.

Oh hey, it was Kakashi he was clinging to, if the head of spiky silver hair in front of him was anything to go by. His arms were also covered in a very familiar orange jacket. So... he’d somehow teleported his spirit into one of Naruto’s Kage Bunshin and was controlling it?

Wow. Just... wow. The strategic possibilities of such a maneuver were staggering! A genin that could summon an S-rank clone? He’d always be able to protect his son! Well, so long as there was a Hiraishin seal in close proximity to the clone... huh. He’d have to do something about that.

Fortunately one of his Hiraishin blades was conveniently on the very person he was holding. He doubted he had the finesse to pickpocket it from Kakashi while he was twelve years out of practice and in an unfamiliar child body. Especially not while attempting to grapple him. So, time for option B.

He could feel the Jounin begin to mold chakra that would get him free, but Minato was already molding his own. Ignoring the nausea that came with using his son’s chakra, he reached out to one of his seals and pulled himself, along with Kakashi, to its location. The underside of Minato’s own face on the hokage monument.

Taking along a passenger took more chakra than just himself, but if there was one thing Naruto’s clone had, it was a ton of chakra. This was probably at least twice as much as Minato had ever had in his life; and this was just a kage bunshin! Granted, he couldn’t control this foreign chakra nearly as well as his own, but with practice, it showed a lot of potential.

He must have caught Kakashi completely off guard, because the jounin failed to get chakra under his feet and they started to fall. Sighing in exasperation (Oh, how much easier that was with lungs!), Minato muttered into his captive’s ear. “Slower than I remember, Kakashi. Let’s try that again, shall we?”

The silver-haired shinobi tensed in surprise, and probably in a reflexive reaction to Naruto’s clone doing very un-Naruto like things, now that Minato was thinking about it, but the yondaime was already using Hiraishin. This time when they landed, Kakashi had chakra ready and stuck himself to the underside of the ex-hokage’s stone chin.

Minato leapt clear of the man to find his own shaky perch before Kakashi could strike out at him and disperse the clone. The jounin’s kunai just barely missed his neck in a lightning quick move that Minato knew he wouldn’t have been able to dodge without having predicted it.

Minato held up his hands in a gesture for peace. “Whoa, Kakashi! Calm down! I am not an enemy!”

“You’re not Naruto. Who are you?” Hatake demanded. His one visible eye narrowed dangerously as he shifted the grip on his kunai to be ready for another attack.

“Who else can use Hiraishin?” the possessed bunshin demanded, raising an eyebrow before reconsidering. “No wait, that’s actually a good question. Can anyone else currently use Hiraishin like me? Well, even if there were, they wouldn’t be able to teleport to my seals. Not unless they managed to somehow steal a bit of my chakra and manage to manipulate it without altering it to-” Minato cut off as he was forced to teleport again at Kakashi’s ever-so-slight shift in weight.

“Stop that!” Minato ordered, appearing right behind the jounin only to jump away to a safe distance again. He couldn’t do that again, Kakashi would predict it and he was not fast enough in this body yet to survive a melee with the copy-cat ninja. “You’re right though, I was rambling. Twelve years in confinement has that effect. I don’t know how much time I have before Naruto dispels his clone jutsu, and I have important information to tell you. Just listen and you can kill me after, alright?”

Kakashi didn’t answer, and Minato took that as a sign to continue. “Okay, believe it or not, I am Minato. Twelve years ago Kushina and I sealed a bit of ourselves into Naruto’s seal before dying. I was not aware I could use Hiraishin to possess Naruto’s kage bunshin until just a few moments ago, but I can’t do it without a Hiraishin seal near the clone. So if you would please give a son one of his father’s old possessions as a good luck charm to keep with him, that would really help me out.”

There was a long stretch of silence where the two watched each other for the slightest movement. Unfortunately for Minato, Kakashi was much faster than he’d predicted. One moment the jounin was standing tense and motionless, the next he was right in front of the yondaime, a kunai already embedded in his stomach.

He had one brief fraction of a second to worry how he was going to get his spirit back to Naruto, before his clone body dispersed in a noisy puff of smoke. Naruto’s chakra was still melded to his own, and it pulled Minato with it as it returned to Naruto’s body. All at once he found himself inside the seal with a very upset Kushina.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely sure what chapter notes are, I'm just learning to use AO3, but I think they're like author's notes? I'll start to use them and see how it goes.
> 
> Well, that's how Minato life-hacks. Hopefully it's fairly believable? This is mostly a humor piece, so it's not going to be too serious. I like writing light-hearted. :3 Of course no drama would be absolutely boring as all get out, so there will be some. Just not the serious drama llamas of angst I sometimes see in the Naruto-verse.
> 
> No offense to those who write for that kind of genre, I've read quite a few good ones, I just like to keep things a bit... light. Also, crazy wacky hijinks will ensue shortly, I promise. XD  
> -Py


	3. Let's not Forget Kushina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a trap!

**Chapter Three:** **Let’s not Forget Kushina**

‘ _MINATO!’_ his wife exclaimed with that mix of anger/relief/fear/worry that women had managed to perfect over the history of the world. ‘ _What happened?! You just disappeared on me without a word and now you’re back and... Where the_ hell _did you go?!?’_

‘ _Uh, Kushina, right... I probably should have warned you, but it just happened so fast...’_

‘What _happened, Namikaze?’_ If she had had a physical body, she probably would have snatched the front of his shirt to shake some sense into him.

‘ _I may have found out I could possess Naruto’s shadow using Hiraishin and then did it without thinking. On that note, I think it’s entirely possible to send you out, and I’ll probably send you out first next time. I take back all those times I defended Hatake Kakashi, you can punish him all you want,’_ Minato muttered in annoyance.

‘ _Details, Husband, you are bad at them.’_

Minato sighed (bah, no lungs again) as he went into mission debriefing mode, something he’d learned to do in order to keep his mission reports from being hopelessly useless, and related the whole adventure to his wife. While he spoke, Kakashi had returned to resume the bell test (by ambushing the Uchiha kid in a brief taijutsu spar that ended with the kid buried up to his head in the ground) as if nothing had happened.

By the time Minato was finished, Kushina had already begun plotting new ways to get even with the one-eyed shinobi  for stabbing her husband. Minato added a few of his own suggestions, while reminding her they didn’t actually want to permanently disfigure or maim the man.

The bell test ended about as they had expected it to. Naruto was the one tied to the log, of course, and the instant his son had decided to sneak around behind Kakashi’s back to get to the food, Minato had known he’d sealed the deal. So while Kushina fumed about the jounin’s ‘you should all quit being ninja’ speech, Minato was sulking for an entirely different reason. Kakashi was no longer carrying the Hiraishin blade.

Or at least he hadn’t been when he’d ambushed Naruto and tied him to the log. Not that Naruto had thought to use clones in that very quick and very one-sided fight. Still, Minato was hurt that Kakashi didn’t trust him. Though he supposed if their situations were reversed, he probably wouldn’t believe Kakashi’s son’s kage bunshin was possessed by Kakashi either.

No, wait, that was a lie. He probably would believe that. Everyone had always called him naively trusting. Well, he may not have outright believed him, but he would have at least given him a chance to prove it. Could Minato prove he was who he was? There weren’t many parts of his life that weren’t known to just about everyone, at least nothing Kakashi would know. 

Aha! He did have something, though! The safe-houses! All of his most important possessions were in those, and no one would have been able to get into them to clear them out because the only way in was through Minato’s Hiraishin, or being a Namikaze by blood, or being Kushina. So the only living person capable of entering those places was Naruto. Who, Minato knew for a fact, had not even come close to their locations.

So, all of his stuff should still be there! Including his keepsakes from back when he’d been Kakashi’s old sensei. All he had to do was Hiraishin Kakashi to one of them and show him. You know, if Kakashi ever let one of Naruto’s clones near one of Minato’s seals ever again. He supposed there was always the possibility Naruto’s clones could stumble across one of his seals all on their own.

He didn’t like those chances; but there wasn’t anything he could do about it, so he reluctantly resigned himself to his indefinitely imprisoned fate.

At least there was a silver lining to all of this, Naruto’s teammates had pulled through and managed to show some modicum of teamwork. Kakashi passed them. Which was good for the silver-haired jounin, because Minato would not be held responsible for the ideas he’d have given Kushina on how to properly ‘punish’ Kakashi for failing their son.

‘ _He did it! He’s officially a genin now!’_ Kushina cheered, bubbling over with pride and happiness. Outside Naruto was cheering too, and Minato cheered with them. He would worry about Kakashi later, for now they celebrated.

They were not at all surprised when their son decided Ichiraku Ramen was the place to celebrate, even going so far as to invite his teammates in his joy. The Uchiha didn’t bother to give a reply as he walked away, but the kunoichi at least bothered to give Naruto the excuse that she was on a diet and that ramen was bad for the body before scurrying off. Naruto, and his two unknown companions, tried to not let that dampen their mood as Naruto made his way to his favorite ramen stand alone.

* * *

 

The next day, Naruto was awoken by a knock at his door at some why-does-it-even-exist-o'clock in the morning. Their son stumbled out of bed, bleary up until he realized the odd hour and suspicious action of someone being at his apartment at this hour. He slipped his weapon pouch on before going to answer it. He rarely ever received friendly visitors, and almost never before the sun was up.

Minato and Kushina echoed his unease, and it didn’t help much when the blonde opened the door to see his silver-haired jounin instructor. Naruto relaxed though. “Kakashi-sensei?”

“Hn, good morning,” the jounin replied, closing his book and tucking it away into a pocket. Minato could feel the anger radiating from his wife at the icha icha cover.

“What time is it...?”

Kakashi shrugged casually, “Early. There’s something I wanted to test with one of your bunshin, and now is the best time. Could I borrow one of your clones?”

“Sure,” the blonde replied, forming the seal.

Minato did not like where this was going. Kakashi wasn’t carrying one of his three pronged Hiraishin kunai on him, but the yondaime was pretty sure this had something to do with what had happened the other day.

About fifteen minutes after Kakashi had left with the bunshin, Minato felt his senses light up with the Hiraishin seal. He didn’t need to be a hokage to see it for what it was. 

‘ _That boy is planning to trap me.’_

‘ _Good thing it’s my turn, then, now isn’t it?’_ Kushina replied without skipping a beat.

‘ _I’m not going to send you into a trap!’_ Minato protested.

He could sense her raised eyebrow in challenge. ‘ _You said you would send me out first next time. Trap or not, I’ve been stuck in this place for twelve years, if there’s a chance for a breather outside, I’ll take it.’_

‘ _I’m not sending you into a trap,’_ he repeated stubbornly.

She snorted, ‘ _Think about it, Namikaze. It’s a trap for you, or at least someone pretending to be you. They’re going to expect the yellow flash, Hiraishin, Rasengan, the whole deal. They won’t be expecting me.’_

Minato would have scowled if he’d had a face for it but it didn’t take much for his wife to pick up on his discontent.

‘ _Husband, if you were trying to catch a spirit, how would you do it?’_

That was a good question, actually. ‘ _Probably with a seal tha-’_

‘ _Right! With a seal. Fuinjutsu. And who’s the fuinjutsu prodigy of the famous Uzumaki fuinjutsu clan?’_

‘ _... you are...’_

‘ _And what happened to the last poor sap that tried to use fuinjutsu on me?’_

‘ _No one really knows because they never found him?’_

‘ _Exactly. Give it up, I’m the best woman for the job.’_

She made a good argument. That didn’t mean he had to like it. ‘ _Alright, just... promise you’ll be careful?’_

‘ _I’m going to bash some heads in, Minato. Careful will have nothing to do with it.’_

‘ _I meant be sure to come back to me,’_ he muttered as he reached out his chakra to hers. ‘ _Just a warning, you’ll have to fight the spirit in Naruto’s bunshin, but they’re not hard. On top of that, mingling a different physical chakra with your own spiritual chakra is... unsettling. I was almost sick.’_

‘ _Can bunshin even be sick?’_ Kushina wondered briefly. ‘ _Doesn’t matter. Can’t be any worse than molding chakra while pregnant. I’m ready, let’s do this.’_

‘ _Alright, be safe,’_ Minato said, activating the seal and sending his wife off to the unknown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The conversations these two have just crack me up sometimes. Anyway, next chapter is very Kushina centric! I'm not afraid to write her in action, and I have quite a few ideas for her... :3
> 
> Er, remember to comment or I forget to come back to this site to update it. XD I'm a terrible author.... Honestly I was on Nyquil when I posted the first two chapters and completely forgot about it until that one comment popped up and I was like... oh yeeeah. I probably ought to post to that... I'll try to remember on my own though. :3
> 
> Thanks, Insert Random Name!  
> -Py


	4. Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kushina tries to reach her baby. Bad stuff will happen to those who interfere.

Well, it wasn’t any _worse_ than being pregnant, Kushina thought to herself as she shoved the other spirit from the body and took over. About the same, really. Ha, that’s right. It _was_ the same, almost. She’d already had Naruto’s chakra in her body. Ahahaha, take that, Minato! Mommy could mesh better with her son’s body than he could. Wait. She was a boy now? Ewww... Note to self: Use Henge at first opportunity.

She took note of her senses. Ah how good it was to breathe again! She took in a deep breath through the nose, inhaling all the scents around her. Ink, blood... oh yeah, fuinjutsu alright. She snapped her eyes open to look at all the swirly black ink marks and kanji that held her in place. 

Should have used Naruto’s blood, Kushina mused to herself as she noted her current body had no blood tie to the seal. The wind element dampener was in there, as well as a clever little gimmick that would stop Minato from sensing any Hiraishin outside of the barrier. Another that would seize her spirit if the bunshin were dispersed; at least that’s what it was meant to do, but between it and the fact that she was actually fuzed and rooted in Naruto through the Kyuubi seal... well, she was almost certain it wouldn’t hold her. Almost.

Didn’t matter. Naruto had her chakra. Her Uzumaki specialized-just-for-fuinjutsu chakra. These poor fools would never know what hit them.

It was a simple three point seal, probably underestimating her because Minato was a sissy and likely hadn’t been that difficult to take out. There was one person at each of the three points, Kakashi, Asuma, and Inoichi. No Shikaku? Huh. Well that just made things easier. His shadows would have been annoying to have to break out of. Shinji and his chakra draining bugs could have been potentially dangerous as well; she was now almost entirely composed of chakra.

Plans already forming in her head, she slipped Minato’s Hiraishin blade that had been in her hand into the bunshin’s kunai pouch and turned a predatory gaze on the one-eye’d jounin. “ _Hatake,_ ” she growled.

One word could still send a shiver down that boy’s spine. Yesss...

The sound of someone clearing their throat to gain her attention, brought her gaze to where she was just now noticing the sandaime stood. She gave him a light smile. “Sarutobi-ojiisan.”

She held no malice for this man, the one who had at least tried to help her son. She even bowed respectfully to him as she was supposed to. Well, until she opened her mouth and added cheekily, “Stay out of my way, old man, and I won’t have to hurt you on my way out.”

Honestly, she was hoping for the element of surprise to get past the sandaime. Fuinjutsu prodigy-master or not, a kage she wasn’t. She had a few things in her arsenal that could slow him down, but probably not for very long.

The hokage nodded in acknowledgement of her bow, and twisted a wry smirk at her challenge. “You are the bunshin claiming to be the spirit of Namikaze Minato?”

“Hmm...,” Kushina replied thoughtfully, ignoring the question for now and looking back down at the ink on the ground instead. “It is a clever seal, shuts down Hiraishin, that’s for sure. Though I’m fairly certain Minato would still be able to break through this. Fuinjutsu on a fuinjutsu master? What are you guys thinking?”

“So you’re not the yondaime,” Sarutobi concluded, his expression hardening.

“Oh, the bunshin from before was, yes. Me? No. I’m something much worse,” her grin widened into something more malicious. “See, after what happened before,” here she shot a withering glare at Kakashi and earned another barely-perceptible shudder, “Minato told me I would get to go next. He tried to take it back when he realized you were setting a trap, but Uzumaki Kushina will not be denied.”

She brought her hands together to form a seal. “Henge!”

The puff of smoke cleared to reveal her beautiful fiery red-headed self and she breathed in relief. “No offense, but being a boy is yucky.”

She bit her thumb, clamping down hard on the pain before it could disrupt her fragile clone form, and began a rapid series of hand seals. It took her longer than it normally would have, but a second and a half wasn’t too bad. They couldn’t do anything outside the barrier without disrupting it anyway, so she really didn’t even need to hurry.

“Back up boys, you do not want to be caught in this,” she cackled, leaping up and slamming her bloodied hand to the ground. “Fuinjutsu: Uzumaki Fuin!”

Glowing chakra ink spiraled outwards from her palm, echoing the familiar whirlpool symbol that konoha had adopted as their symbol of friendship. A memory of a hidden village that had once been their ally, been Kushina’s home, but was now gone.

Uzumaki, whirlpool, and that was precisely what this seal was. She poured her blue chakra into it, and the chakra ink came to life, flowing like white water rapids as it whirled into its namesake. It tore through the other seal like so much tissue paper, and pulled it down into it’s dark depths. On the edge of the seal, the three jounin were forced to leap clear or be sealed with the rest of it.

She launched her chakra chains then; an Uzumaki technique she wasn’t sure had carried over to her son, but if it hadn’t, apparently she could still use it through him. The chains whipped out like snakes, flooding the room enough to snag the jounin out of the air mid-jump, and also anchored Kushina to the walls so she herself wouldn’t be caught in the seal.

The chains wouldn’t hold them long, especially not with Sarutobi there, so Kushina took to the ceiling, her hands already flashing rapidly through seals. This technique didn’t have a name, it was a technical failure she’d come up with while experimenting with fuinjutsu. To give it a name would be to give it focus, and this, by it’s very nature, didn’t need focus.

It was an incomplete seal that she latched onto the section of ceiling she was clinging to. Like always, the seal rippled with _wrongness_ as it tried, and failed, to bind the carved stone. However, for just a few seconds while it tried, the stone was caught between reality and the sealing dimension. Solid rock became not solid, and Kushina slipped through to the floor above. One of her most useful failures yet, she mused as the seal failed and flickered out of existence, leaving the stone solid again.

She’d come up through a well lit stone corridor that was thankfully empty. Unfortunately it didn’t give her much of an idea for where exactly in the village she was. She wasn’t Minato, she couldn’t just know by the feel of his Hiraishin seals. Still, if she had to guess, she was probably in the T&I catacombs somewhere. Which meant up was probably the fastest way out.

She needed to get the Hiraishin blade to Naruto as soon as possible and free her husband. With him, finding a safe spot would be simple. Then they could explain to their son, and she could hug her little boy, and Minato could set up something more permanent... but first, escape. 

She gave a quick pat to her kunai pouch to assure herself the Hiraishin blade was still there before leaping up onto the ceiling. Up, up, up... had to keep moving before the silent trained death machines caught up with her...

The next floor, she popped up right in the middle of some sort of reception area. Which was of course filled with more than a few shinobi. Kushina found herself dodging kunai and jutsu left and right and she weaved through the crowd. Too many to fight back, even one mistake would get her fragile bunshin body dispersed and she’d be back in that seal. 

Fortunately, there were only chuunin present, and Kushina managed to throw down one of Naruto’s smoke pellets, performed a quick enhancement seal, and bam, the room was flooded with smoke. She slipped out the door in all the confusion. Finally! Outside.

Except she was on the outskirts of Konaha, and Naruto’s apartment was in the center. Greeeat, now she just had to stealth her way through an entire hidden village filled with the most skilled ninja imaginable. Right. 

Just keep moving, she urged herself, surging into the trees. Get to Naruto, to Minato, then they could think up a plan. The four she’d left tangled up in chakra chains would be free by now, she had to keep ahead of them. She wasn’t the fastest ninja by any stretch of the imagination, that was Minato’s claim, and she was in her son’s clone’s body anyway.

She was beginning to make a mental list of her current assets for a probable encounter with Kakashi, or either of the Sarutobi’s, when she nearly ran headfirst into something large, green and very solid. Er, make that two somethings, now that Kushina’d had a good look at them. She was just beginning to form the handseals of a particularly vicious fuinjutsu, when two large hands clasped shoulders and lifted her bodily from the ground.

“Fiery youthful maiden, we beg your forgiveness! How could we have overlooked a beauty such as yourself?! Lee! We must run twice as many laps today as penance for nearly trampling this lovely lily of youth!”

“Yosh, Sensei!”

Kushina was released without another thought and the two were gone, disappearing into the trees. Well. Okay then? Yay for easily distracted Jounin? Shaking her head clear, the kunoichi bunshin raced the rest of the way out of the forest and into Konohagakure itself. 

She hadn’t been idle all that time running either, she’d been working furiously on an interesting new seal. One that would significantly bolster and bunshin’s durability, something she and Minato would need since they were both mid to close range fighters. A normal bunshin probably wouldn’t be very good for such a seal, since it would eat away quickly at its small chakra pool, but Naruto had extraordinary chakra reserves, even by Uzumaki standards, and that was something Kushina could work with.

Finishing the final calculation in her head, she wasted no time in putting the new seal to the test. She’d been writing the seal in the palm of one hand with blood from the other as she figure out the logistics (another aspect of this seal was that it would stabilize it so she could draw blood without almost dispersing herself, a definite boon for a fuinjustu user.) and with the final characters in place, she activated it. The blood script, which had trailled all the way down her arm and across the back of her hand, glowed blue before snaking back into the central focus -Kushina usually used the Uzumaki spiral- and she slammed the palm on her forehead. The seal needed to be placed over a major chakra point to work properly, and when it was in place, there was only a faint red spiral left to show it was there.

Instantly she could feel the drain as it pulled her chakra out to weave it throughout the cells of her bunshin body, stabilizing and strengthening them. It wasn’t perfect, and had a lot of room for refinement, but it would do for now. None too soon, either. 

A slight whistling sound alerted her just in time to drop to the ground and avoid the trio of kunai aimed for her. She turned her drop into a roll and was on her feet again in a flash, facing the silver-haired jounin she had once thought of as a son. 

“Twelve years, Kakashi. _Twelve. Years,”_ she hissed, the rage and hurt in her voice making the man pause. “Where were you?!”

“I was fifteen and had just lost the last of those I considered family. I was in no condition to be looking after a baby,” he replied in a tired voice. “Kushina-san, come back with me and we’ll sort this all out with the Sandaime.”

“Absolutely not!” Kushina snarled, “My little boy has spent the last twelve years thinking nobody loves him. _Nothing_ is more important right now than me fixing that! So, you’d better get out of my way or I’m going to have to _make_ you.”

Chakra swirled around her as she began using it to enhance her strength and speed in preparation to fight if necessary. She was also pretty sure her hair was doing that writhing snake/flickering fire thing that happened whenever she got angry.

There was a split second where Kakashi actually looked like he might let her pass, but then his expression hardened into one of weary determination, and he answered softly, “I’m sorry. I can’t let you do that.”

They both charged at once.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh... I kinda sorta forgot I had this story up on here and that I needed to update it. XD I will try to get better at remembering this.
> 
> Hopefully you like Kushina's seal fighting, because that's how she fights in my head cannon. With seals. And chains. And sheer awesomeness.
> 
> Thanks for reading! :3  
> -Py


	5. Here, Naruto, Have a Knife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi begins to regret his earlier decision.

Naruto jolted awake with a start at the sound of his window shattering and the dull thunk of something sharp embedding itself into his bedroom wall. He looked up in bewilderment at the odd three pronged kunai with it’s white hilt and strange lettering. Cautiously he crept out of bed and to the window, making sure to grab his weapon pouch from his bedside. Was someone attacking him? It wouldn’t be the first time...

He peered outside and stared in fascination at the blue glowing tendrils of... something... thrashing against the dawning sky on the roof across from his. There were shinobi up there fighting, and he wondered if he should help them against that chakra monster thing they were fighting.

He had his leg up on the sill, about to climb out, when the creature suddenly shrieked in outrage before disappearing in a burst of white smoke. Disappointed, he considered the benefits of going out to see what had happened anyway. Though he _had_ been woken up twice that night and his bed was looking mighty tempting...

“Naruto.”

“Wah-!” The blonde tumbled backwards off the window when Kakashi appeared out of nowhere in front of him. He looked... haggard. His clothes were messy and torn in some places, he had cuts all over him, and, most noticeably, was the way his left arm hung uselessly at his side. It didn’t look obviously injured, but there were strange strings of black markings that wrapped around it like some sort of binding. When he looked closely, the marks seemed to glow faintly with chakra.

Naruto’s mind was still processing all of this when his sensei brushed past him, plucked the strange knife from his wall, and left as quickly as he’d come.

The blonde was left staring after the man in consternation. What the hell?

* * *

 

Minato was an anxious wreck as he waited impatiently for any news of what he’d sent his wife off too. It was the longest forty minutes of his life (and afterlife?) after he’d first activated Hiraishin. Seriously, if he’d had a body, Minato would have been pacing. At least it was semi-promising that he could kind of feel Kushina’s presence through the Hiraishin seal and sense her coming closer.

When Naruto jerked awake at the commotion of the Hiraishin blade being thrown through his window, Minato cheered. Yes! He had the bestest most brilliant wife in the world! Now grab the knife, Naruto... grab it- What, no! Where was he going? The knife! Or maybe just make a kage bunshin?

Or go look out the window. He supposed he couldn’t fault his son for his caution, but still, the kunai was _right there!_ Where was Kushina to explain everything?

Oh. _That’s_ where she was. He grimaced at what Naruto saw out the window. That was... a bit more conspicuous than he was hoping to be. Kushina didn’t exactly do subtle; not that she had much of a choice with what she was up against. C’mon, Naruto, just a little kage bunshin? Then he could go help-

He was expecting it when he saw the puff of smoke, but it still made him cringe as Kushina suddenly returned shrieking in outrage. ‘ _No, no, NO!!!’_

‘ _I was SO close, Minato!’_ she hissed. ‘ _I almost had Kakashi trapped, but then Asuma and Inoichi showed up... and then all those ANBU... ARGH!!!!’_

‘ _Shhh, it’s alright, you did amazing. No one expects you to be able to take on a squad of ANBU and three jounin as a twelve year old kage bunshin,’_ he soothed. ‘ _Now Naruto just has to- Kakashi? What- NO!’_

‘ _DON’T YOU DARE, HATAKE!!!!’_

The both of them could only watch helplessly as the silver-haired jounin snatched up the three-pronged kunai Kushina had just fought tooth and nail to get to their son. Then he just left, leaving the two to sulk while their confused son crawled back into bed.

‘ _Please tell me that seal on his arm is going to last at least a week?’_ Minato muttered, feeling vindictive.

‘ _Ha! That sucker’s permanent, It ain’t comin’ off without a seal master’s help. Even then, they better be darn good to crack_ my _seal.’_

‘ _Good. Maybe it’ll force them to let us out again to remove it.’_

‘ _Oh, I didn’t even think of that,’_ Kushina replied, then cackled gleefully. ‘ _I’m gonna make him_ beg _for it!’_

Minato chuckled. ‘ _Well, since we have more time to kill, how did you manage to survive so long in that fight?’_

‘ _Fuinjutsu,’_ Kushina replied simply, and Minato would have rolled his eyes if he’d had any. Kushina had a habit of using the sealing arts as a magical cure-all for just about everything. It only made it more irritating that it actually worked for her more often than not.

‘ _Why don’t you just start from the beginning and tell me what happened?’_ Minato suggested. It wasn’t like they didn’t have hours, or maybe even days (he refused to think it might be years), together to talk about it.

Giving a spiritual version of a shrug, Kushina launched into a telling of her escape from the T&I department.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a second chapter because this one is just so darn short. XD
> 
> Still, I'm rather fond of it. It amuses me muchly. Thanks for reading!  
> -Py


	6. Time Passes, Stuff Happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi earns more of Kushina's ire, and Naruto gets a gift.

**Chapter Six: Time Passes and Some Stuff Happens**

It was about a month before anything more interesting than D-rank missions happened; well, unless you counted the amusement of seeing Kakashi try to explain why his arm was in a sling and would be indefinitely the morning after that eventful night. His excuse? He fell out of a tree while trying to help a cat down.

When Naruto called him a liar and demanded to know what the weird glowy black marks had been about, the jounin had grown quiet for a moment before warning them to stay away from fuinjutsu-using trees. He refused to say anything else on the matter after that.

Minato and Kushina had spent most of the time thinking up ways to improve the stabilizer seal Kushina had come up with to strengthen the clone bodies, as well as come up with a few ideas on how to deal with the whole twelve-year-old body issue. Minato decided he was going to have to get... creative with Hiraishin, and Kushina's simple answer was, as always, fuinjutsu.

' _Yeesh, stupid cat. It got what it deserved,'_ Kushina muttered, as they watched said feline be strangled by its owner.

Minato didn't comment, but she could tell he agreed. ' _So, what do you think they'll get next?'_ he asked, mostly to stave off boredom.

' _Babysitting? Weed pulling? Does it matter? It's all mind-numbingly dull,'_  she grumped back.

Naruto must have thought the same thing as he pitched a fit at the sandaime when presented the same dull list of options as last time. Shockingly, the old man agreed to his request and assigned the fledgling genin team a C-rank mission.

' _Yes! Escort mission! At least we'll get a chance to travel outside of the village,'_ Kushina cheered.

' _I'm surprised the third gave in so easily,'_  Minato replied. ' _Isn't it too early for C-ranks? Kakashi's arm is still in a sling...'_

' _Pffft, that boy's been doing C-ranks since before he could shave-'_

' _Kakashi shaves?'_

' _-one-armed shouldn't be difficult for him,'_  Kushina said, ignoring the interruption. ' _Now shush, the client is coming out.'_

Tazuna the bridge builder was not what they were expecting. When he made that crack about Naruto's stupid face, Kushina was right there urging her son along with his plan to murder their client before the mission had even begun. Minato wanted to face-palm.

So it was with that auspicious beginning that Kakashi's team seven set out on their first C-rank mission.

' _Ambush.'_  Kushina and Minato pointed out at the exact same time as the odd puddle on the side of the road came into sight. Seriously? Were they even trying? Wait...

' _That's... a ninja technique,'_ Minato pointed out slowly.

' _Well, duh.'_

' _There aren't supposed to be any enemy ninja on C-rank missions!'_

' _Oh,'_  Kushina replied, sounding worried. ' _Oh, crap. Kakashi's arm is still sealed.'_

' _Yeah... that might become a problem.'_

The two could only watch anxiously as their son's team tread right into range of the ambush spot. Naruto wasn't facing the right direction to see the ninja reveal themselves, but they did see the long barbed chain that descended in loops around Kakashi.

"One down."

Two voices spoke as one as the attackers came into view and pulled tight on the bladed coils around the one-eyed jounin. Kakashi was shredded into bloody ribbons, causing Sakura to scream in horror and Naruto to yell out. Kushina was having a panic attack of her own.

' _KAKASHI'S DEAD?! He can't be dead! I-... He-...!'_

' _Kushina, calm down! He's not dead, he used a Kawarimi no Jutsu,'_ Minato hurried to assure her. ' _These guys are not that good, and there's no way Kakashi'd just stand there like that.'_

' _What?! That sneaky little... NARUTO!'_

Minato felt dread as the two attackers dropped their barbed chain around his son next. "Two down."

' _MOVE!'_ both parents urged as the orange-clad ninja froze up in fear. Time seemed to slow as the sharp loops fell into place and began to constrict...

The shuriken that came out of nowhere to pin the descending chain coil to a tree was like a godsend, and Minato allowed himself a sigh of relief. Cutting it a bit close there, Kakashi?

Except it hadn't been Kakashi. They discovered this as Naruto looked up to see the Uchiha tossing a kunai to help further stick the shuriken to the tree. Sasuke landed lightly on the two shinobi's arms, grasping onto the chain mechanism and kicking out with both feet right into each of the enemy nins' faces.

The two mist ninja weren't done yet, however, and quickly recovered. The must have hit some sort of release on the chain, because it suddenly dropped away and they split up, running toward different targets. One toward the client, and the other back toward Naruto.

Again their son froze up, but this time the Uchiha had chosen to go defend the client (Rightfully so, Minato had to admit. Naruto  _should_  have been able to take care of himself.) and couldn't help out. Where was Kakashi?

Just as blade tipped gloves tore into young flesh, a flash of silver intervened. Faster than Naruto could see, the two attackers were reduced to an unconscious pile on the ground with his jounin sensei standing over them looking almost bored.

' _You let my baby get cut! I'm gonna cut your face, Hatake!'_

' _And poisoned,'_  Minato added helpfully, knowing that poison-tipped weapons were standard amongst mist-nin.

' _Pfft, fuzzy-face has that covered, but I'm still taking it out of his hide!'_ There was a pause while they watched Kakashi explain the poison situation to Naruto, who promptly took action. ' _No, Naruto, don't stab yourself! Bah, I swear these people know nothing of jinchuuriki!'_

' _Probably because they don't,'_  Minato said. ' _We're not all Uzumaki, we don't deal with jinchuuriki and fuinjutsu on a regular basis.'_

' _Well they should be!'_

Kushina fumed all through Tazuna's explanation of why he was being hunted by ninja, and when he tried his little guilt trip regarding what his family would go through if he died because the leaf-nin refused the mission, she growled, ' _They should tie him up and see if this Gatou fellow will pay money for him.'_ Her husband was fairly certain she didn't actually mean that.

After the decision to continue the mission was finalized, Kakashi took Naruto aside and handed him a scroll. "Naruto, in case of an emergency I want you to have one of your bunshin take this scroll and activate the seal inside. After that, the clone should know what to do.  _Only_  in an emergency, though. It hasn't been tested enough yet to know for certain if it will help instead of kill you, so... use it at your own risk," the jounin said with a smile.

' _That's where it went...',_ Minato mused.

' _Where what went? Are you paying attention to this, Namikaze? He just gave our son a scroll that might kill him upon activation... who does that?!'_

The yondaime laughed. ' _No, it's just a simple storage scroll.'_

' _A storage scroll?'_  Kushina asked, confused. ' _Why would he give a warning like that over a stupid storage scroll?'_

' _Because inside the storage scroll is the Hiraishin blade. Why else would he say to activate it with a bunshin?'_

There was about a two second pause while Kushina processed this, then: ' _NARUTO! This is your mommy speaking! Activate that scroll RIGHT NOW! Do it!'_

Of course she was unheard, and Naruto merely took the scroll almost reverently from Kakashi before piping up with an excited, "Yes, Sensei! I won't let you down!"

' _So, how long you wanna bet it is before he uses it?'_ Kushina ventured, giving up on trying to shout to Naruto through the seal.

' _He's your son. Not even a day,'_  Minato replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not even a day indeed... man I love Minato and Kushina... XD  
> -Py


	7. Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zabuza. A little knife like that can't hurt, right?

**Chapter Seven: Progress**

It was the rabbit that started it. The harmless looking little white bunny Naruto had startled out of the bush in his misguided attempt to look 'cool'. At least that was what Kushina insisted on blaming, and Minato was choosing to not disagree.

And all the unfortunate rabbit had done was be in the wrong place at the wrong time. It wasn't as if the little white furball had thrown that giant sword that had nearly taken everyone's heads off. Not that Kushina was likely to listen to logic.

' _I'm watching you, bunny...'_

' _Kushina, focus. Large man, larger sword, makes Kakashi nervous? I think we should be paying attention,'_ Minato frowned.

Kushina would have made a face if she'd had one. ' _I am paying attention, just... not being able to do anything is driving me crazy! Naruto, use the scroll already!'_

Minato silently agreed with her as they watched his student try and take on an A-class missing-nin with one arm. It... wasn't going well. Though, the fourth was honestly impressed by how well the silver-haired jounin was doing. In spite of the dire situation, he had managed to calm his genin down so they weren't panicking. They had enough presence of mind to form a defensive position around the client while their sensei focused on fighting the major threat. Naruto and Sasuke were even giving each other significant looks like they were planning something to help.

The yondaime sincerely hoped not. They would be slaughtered.

Everything took a sudden nasty turn south when Kakashi was thrown clear out into the water. In a flash, Zabuza was standing over him and rapidly forming hand seals. "Suiton: Suiro no jutsu!" The water swirled up and around the dazed shinobi before solidifying into a sphere with him neatly captured inside.

Kushina cursed as the enemy turned his attention to their son and his teammates and formed a mizu bunshin. There was no way this was going to end well. Especially since Naruto had frozen up again. Granted his opponent was leaking enough killer intent to make a chuunin wet themselves, but this was  _so_  not the time!

"Heh, wearing those headbands and acting like ninjas," the enemy clone sneered, standing up straight from first forming. "Only when you're good enough to be listed in my bingo book can you start calling yourself shinobi. You are not shinobi."

In a barely perceptible flash of movement, the Zabuza bunshin blurred and suddenly Naruto was flying backwards from a vicious kick to the forehead. His hitai-ate came loose, and the water clone caught it under his foot, stamping it harshly into the ground. Naruto was shaking uncontrollably as he stared up at the menacing psychopath sneering at him.

Kakashi yelled for them to run, and for a moment it looked as if Naruto was going to take that advice. Then something made him pause and he glanced down at the bandage on his hand. They weren't sure what exactly it was that changed, but Minato and Kushina could almost feel the determination settle into their son through the seal. Sometimes that happened with really extreme emotions, but not often.

The boy glanced over at his leaf headband being crushed underfoot, and came to a decision. Much to his parents' horror, he let out a cry of rage and charged head-first at the mist-nin.

Ignoring the gasps and shouts of warning, he continued his charge until Zabuza's clone swatted him away contemptuously at the last minute. Naruto slid back several feet from the force of the blow, skidding to a halt next to his teammates.

' _What the hell was that about?!'_  Kushina demanded.

Minato mulled it over for a moment before giving up. ' _I don't know. Maybe he just needed to prove to himself he wasn't a coward?'_

They both puzzled over this until Naruto painfully climbed to his feet and the object in his hands came into their field of vision. He'd managed to snatch his hitai-ate back.

' _Aha!'_

' _I don't know if that was awesome, or just incredibly stupid.'_

' _Shut up, Namikaze. It was totally awesome.'_

"Hey...," Naruto spoke, bringing their attention back to the outside, "you eyebrowless freak, put this in your bingo book. The man who will one day become Hokage..."

He brought his arms up to tie his headband back on and glared defiantly at the enemy in front of him. "Leaf-village ninja, Uzumaki Naruto!"

' _Hell, yeah!'_  Kushina cheered.

"Hey, Teme, listen! I have a plan," Naruto called out confidently to his teammate.

"Teamwork? From you?" The Uchiha kid turned to raise a skeptical, but curious, brow at the blonde.

"Yeah, let's get wild!"

' _... it's almost scary how much of you is in there,'_  Minato spoke, a mix of trepidation and awe in his tone.

' _He's an Uzumaki to the core!'_  Kushina snickered.

"Such overconfidence," the mizu bunshin mused. "Do you really think you stand a chance?"

Again their opponent body-flickered over to where he could slam bodily into Sasuke before bringing an arm down to crush the boy into the ground, making him cough up blood.

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura screamed.

Naruto cursed and quickly formed the familiar concentration hand-seal in order to summon a small army of clones. He let them charge in and distract the enemy while he fished in his pack for something.

That was when he pulled it out. The scroll.  _The_  scroll. The one Kakashi had given him.

' _YESSSS!'_  Kushina hissed in triumph.

Naruto was in the process of breaking the binding on it when Zabuza's clone dispersed all his bunshin in one massive stroke of his sword. Within a second the enemy was on their son with a harsh kick to the stomach, knocking the rolled parchment from his hands. Naruto was sent flying again as the scroll tumbled uselessly to the ground.

' _ARGH! So... close...!'_

"Teme! Distract him for me, I need some time!"

The Uchiha brat spat out something that sounded suspiciously like 'easier said than done' before leaping up into the air and flashing through hand-seals."Katon: Gokakyu no justu!"

Naruto used the cover of the sudden eruption of flames to summon more clones and sent them after the fallen scroll.

"Suiton: Mizurappa!"

Water sprayed out from Zabuza's mouth (or at least the spot in front of his bandaged face) and canceled Sasuke's fireball in an explosion of steam. Ignoring the raven-haired boy for the moment, the enemy instead went straight for the one who had called for the distraction. In a brief flurry of blows, he'd knocked away all of the clones and stood bemused over the roll of paper. "Hmm... what's so important about this...?"

He took great relish in Naruto's cry of frustration as Zabuza unravelled the scroll, barely even pausing to destroy the few Naruto clones that had tried to ambush him, and stared down at the storage seal inside. Curiously, he activated it. When all that appeared after the white puff of smoke was a single harmless-looking three-pronged kunai, he laughed. "Is this supposed to help you defeat me?"

"Sensei!" Naruto called out with hurt in his voice. "What the hell?"

"Kage Bunshin, Naruto!" was all Kakashi replied from his watery prison.

Grumbling something about stupid, lazy, unreliable teachers, the blonde formed his favorite cross seal and summoned about a dozen more clones. Then he had them charge the water bunshin, much to his father's delight.

Minato reached out with his chakra to his wife. ' _We're going to have to be fast if we don't want to be killed right away. You ready?'_

' _Oh, it. Is. ON. Let's do this!'_ she replied eagerly.

The yondaime chuckled as he strained his senses to their limit. The very instant he could feel one clone in range, he sent Kushina. Barely a fraction of a second later, another clone appeared and he activated Hiraishin for himself.

_Hold on, Naruto, Mom and Dad are coming..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> X3 .... yay!   
> -Py


	8. Kushina is Scary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crazy wacky hijinks of a fuinjutsu nature...

Naruto really wasn’t sure what he had expected when his sensei had handed him a mysterious scroll that was only to be used in an emergency, and could supposedly kill him, but that little knife? The one he was pretty sure Kakashi-sensei had nicked from his room that one night a while back, was not it. How was that going to help?

“Sensei! What the hell?”

“Kage Bunshin, Naruto!”

Cheh, as if the blond genin wasn’t going to do that anyway. Muttering under his breath disparities about his silver-haired teacher, he summoned about a dozen fresh clones and sent them to attack Zabuza as a distraction for his back up plan. Now to make another bunshin and henge into-

He was startled from his careful thoughts and planning when one of the bunshin distracting the enemy suddenly exploded. What looked like glowing blue chains shot outward from his doppelganger and  skewered the Zabuza bunshin viciously. Mad cackling filled the air as the enemy clone dissolved back into a puddle of water.

“No-brows is mine, Husband. You can babysit the kiddies,” Naruto’s suddenly deranged kage bunshin spoke, its voice filled with promises of pain and violence. “He hurt my baby, I’m gonna  _ set him on fire . _ ”

“Oh?” another clone spoke up nonchalantly from beside the first, amusement clear in its tone. “I get to hug Naruto first? How gracious of-”

“ _ What?! _ ” the first one demanded, turning to glare at the second. “I didn’t say that!” 

“Shall we race for it, then?”

“You’re on, Namikaze! We’re in the same body now, none of that super-fast Yellow Flash training!”

Both of them whirled around and started running toward the original blond boy, and Naruto took a step back. And then another when one of them pulled out a kunai.

“That’s cheating!” the other one protested.

The one with the blade in hand merely laughed as he threw it, right at Naruto’s feet. The twelve-year-old had only enough time to recognize the odd three pronged kunai before his vision was filled with familiar unruly golden spikes and bright blue eyes. Somehow, the bunshin had moved instantly from back there, to right in his face.

“Sorry, I need to tag you before your mother steals you from me,” it blurted out in a rush, smacking its palm into Naruto’s forehead lightly. There was a brief flash and the warmth of chakra being used, and then he could...  _ feel _ something?

He didn’t get a chance to figure out what that something was before more chakra-warmth wrapped tightly around his waist and yanked him off his feet and away from head-smacking, knife-wielding clone. Only to be brought straight into the arms of the psychotic, chain-spawning one. Literally into its arms; it had him pinned tightly in a ‘hug’ that threatened to suffocate him.

“Naruto, my darling baby boy! Mommy doesn’t have much time right now, but know that I love you and I’ll be right back after I go rescue your big brother...  _ and then punish him severely _ ... but rescue first!”

The blond had just started to lift his hands to claw at the arms cutting off his air supply, when he was released. Coughing and sputtering for breath, he turned wide confused eyes on the clone. It had turned away from him to focus back on the real Zabuza who was already in the process of forming two more water bunshin. Using its teeth to draw blood from its thumb, Naruto’s clone began rapidly scrawling...  _ something _ into its left palm.

“Minato, take care of Naruto. This shouldn’t take long,” the bunshin called out distractedly.

At the edge of Naruto’s senses, he felt another  _ something _ pop up a little ways behind him, right before the kunai-throwing clone randomly appeared out of nowhere beside him again. “Yes, ma’am,” it spoke with a small grin as it placed a hand on the genin’s shoulder and threw the odd three-pronged kunai at the ground beneath Tazuna and Sakura’s feet.

In a flash Naruto’s surroundings flickered away and he found himself standing over the precise spot the knife had landed. He shot the bunshin still standing next to him a questioning look, but it was already distracted forming a series of hand seals.

“Jikukan Kekkai!”

Black chakra ink flowed outward from the clone’s outstretched hands and into long thin strings of characters similar to the ones that had been on Kakashi-sensei’s arm after the whole ‘fell-out-of-a-tree’ incident. The dark bands formed a netted dome over them; Sasuke, Sakura, Tazuna, Naruto and his odd clone.

Then, before Naruto could formulate a question out of the sheer confusion befuddling his brain, the clone keeled over and promptly lost its lunch. “Ewww... gross!” Naruto took a step back from the mess.

“Well... I guess that answers that. Bunshin can be sick. Lucky me,” the clone muttered before straightening again and turning to face the rest of them sheepishly. “Sorry about that. Naruto’s chakra is a little... volatile. I don’t understand how Kushina can stand it.” It turned its gaze on the other bunshin that was fending off two Zabuza clones while trying to finish whatever it was doing on its palm in blood. “Must be an Uzumaki thing.”

“You.. it... what just happened?!” Naruto demanded, drawing all eyes back to him as he finally settled on a question. “Who are you and how did you crazy people get inside my clones?!”

“Ah...,” the clone started uncertainly, scratching the back of its head as it tried to think. “That’s... really complicated to explain, and I’m not sure now is the best time to try.”

“You’re Namikaze Minato, Konoha’s Yellow Flash,” Sakura spoke up, a small amount of awe in her voice.

“You’ve heard of me?” Minato asked brightening.

“Everyone’s heard of you, you’re a legend!”

Naruto snorted. “I haven’t heard of him.” Beside him Sasuke looked as if he were trying unsuccessfully to place the name as well.

“Baka!” Sakura shouted, slamming a fist down on the blond’s head and missing Namikaze’s slight frown a the action. “He’s the-”

“No, wait, I want to see if they can guess it,” Minato interrupted. “Later, though. Kushina will want in on this.”

“Kushina? Is that the crazy one that thinks it’s my mom?” Naruto asked, nursing the sizable bump on his head.

Minato grimaced. “Uh, you better not let her hear you say that.” The clone looked over to make sure his counterpart was busy fighting and not listening in. “Oh! She finished the seal!”

Indeed, Kushina had completed the intricate design on her hand and activated it with a quick press to her forehead. Now the fun could start for real. She hadn’t just spent the last two minutes setting up the field with invisible chakra impressions under the guise of dodging attacks for nothing. Seriously, how often did she get a  _ completely immobile _ target to mess with that had  _ no idea _ what she was capable of doing if given time to prepare?

She completed the ring around Zabuza and Kakashi, now to just get the mizu bunshin in place... wait, why was it suddenly getting harder to see? Mist rose up from the water beneath her feet and slowly began thickening the air until she barely see her hands in front of her face. Well. This complicated things. Stupid mist ninjas using mist.

She quickly went through a mental checklist of what she had on hand to counter such an ability, all while ignoring the idiotic voice of the enemy droning on and on about the ‘best’ way to kill her. Eventually she just decided on the straightforward pump-chakra-into-and-enhance-everything method. It worked on Kakashi.

Blue chakra began leaking from her as she directed to her muscles and all her senses. Her vision sharpened, and her sense of smell, which had already been inhumanly good to begin with, began picking up the smell of death and rotting seaweed she associated with her enemy. She ducked just in time to avoid the massive sword aimed to cut her in half, then rolled to the side to dodge the kick from the other clone.

The water below her began to grow unusually thick, and she growled out a curse. With a quick chakra disruption seal, she shattered the water prison before it could fully form. It was usually for particularly stubborn genjutsu, but it also worked on partially formed ninjutsu if you could get it right in the center of it. Huh, so he was deeming her threat enough to tie up a clone in capturing her instead of dealing with her directly. Bah, she’d better wrap this up quick then or things might actually get serious when he stopped underestimating her.

Throwing out chakra chains to get some distance between them, they’d long since learned to not let those touch them and thus hastily dodged whenever she brought them out, she bolted between them and back toward where their original was still holding Kakashi prisoner. Like the easily predictable shinobi he was, (which was pretty much any non-Uzumaki ninja, really) she sensed him use the Shunshin body-flicker technique that would spell his doom.

Shunshin, in spite of popular belief, was not an actual teleport; only abilities like Minato’s Hiraishin were capable of that. The body flicker technique was merely a temporary chakra boost to speed that allowed people to travel at speeds that merely seemed like teleportation. A very important distinction, because it meant that he still had to actually travel the distance between the two points and somewhere in that ‘distance’ was the trap she had laid.

Before the water clone could reach its destination, a red chakra glow erupted from the water beneath its feet and froze it in place. That was when Kushina began her maniacal laughter that always set her enemies on edge, not that it was needed. The crimson glow snaked outward along the chakra impressions she had so carefully placed before until it completely surrounded the original Zabuza.

Too late, the missing nin tried to get away, but it was over the instant his clone had been caught and used to form one of the most powerful sympathetic binds possible in fuinjutsu. Blood binds were nice, but a full bunshin? Now that... that was a solid link.

His other clone dissolved back into the water it had come from as the seal bound up the real one’s chakra. Kakashi was released as an...  _ unfortunate _ side effect, but she was willing to live with that so long as he didn’t attack her again. She kept a wary eye on him just to be safe, though. Hatake hastily lowered his hitai-ate back over his sharingan and backed away and out of the seal. It wasn’t bound to him, so he was free to retreat back to observe from a safe distance. 

Somewhat satisfied that her husband’s student meant her no harm for the time being, Kushina turned back to give her prisoner a demonic grin that typically had people running in terror. 

“Now, Zabuza, was it? I do believe I made you a promise at the beginning of this... what was it again? Oh, yes. You hurt my baby. I’m going to  _ set you on fire . _ ” She raised her right palm slowly toward the clone next to her, the kanji for fire in blue chakra glowing ominously on it, and cackled darkly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! They got free! Hope you all enjoyed the fight scene, I'm bad at them. D: But... I think Kushina's fuinjutsu is pretty good. X3
> 
> Sorry I kinda disappeared again... eheh... I have no excuses, only forgetfulness. DX
> 
> Thank you for the kind comments! :3 I'm glad people are enjoying this.  
> -Py


	9. Kill Steal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think Haku just made an enemy for life...

When the mist flooded their field of vision, stopping at the barrier but still blocking them from seeing anything past it, Minato frowned. He knew he really didn’t need to worry about his wife, she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself, but he still did. Nevermind the fact that she was only in a bunshin body and the worst the enemy could do was disperse it and send her back into the seal.

... unless their opponent had a soul-affecting jutsu or Kekkei Genkai... or had some way of attacking chakra... or used some sort of indirect attack like a genjutsu to trap her in an illusion that broke her mind...

Dammit. Now he was even  more anxious. Why hadn’t he placed a Hiraishin seal on her like he had on Naruto? Then he’d at least have a general idea of what was going on around her. Not to mention, an easy way to help her out should she need it. Which she wouldn’t, so he really ought to  _ stop worrying . _

“Argh! Why are we staying back here and not helping?” his son demanded in frustration. Minato was honestly surprised he’d lasted this long without complaint. The younger blond had gone from antsy to pacing in the space of about fifteen seconds, and had now progressed to complaining.

Behind the teen, his teammates stood a bit back. The Uchiha was still wary of the ‘possessed’ shadow clone, and the pink-haired girl (Minato really needed to remember that one’s name. Hana? No, that was Tsume’s kid...) had that oh-so-familiar look of a fan-girl on her face that made the Yondaime grateful she was a  _ shy _ fan-girl, and not the loud obnoxious kind.

“What do you expect to do, idiot?” Sasuke spoke, glaring at his teammate. “Swim out there and attack their ankles? You can’t walk on water.”

“I’m not seeing you come up with any better ideas!”

“Hn.” The dark-haired boy rolled his eyes. “It’s called waiting here and protecting the client in case the enemy isn’t working alone.”

The two scowled at each other and Minato mused about how they reminded him of Obito and Kakashi at their age. Then decided he probably should intervene before they came to blows. “Now, kids, let’s not forget we are on a mission and-”

“Kids?” Naruto protested, “You’re my clone! We’re the same age!”

The elder blond sighed. “Physically, yes. Mentally I’m actually...” He did some quick math. “Thirty-eight. That’s... mildly depressing. Man, I’m old.”

“Wow, you  are old!” his son agreed, wrinkling his nose. “That’s older than Kakashi-sensei.”

Minato refused to think about what Naruto would say if he knew he’d been Kakashi’s jounin instructor. Or adoptive father-figure-thing. “Uh, do  not repeat that in front of your mother. It’s probably safer for everyone if you don’t remind her she’s twelve years older than she thinks she is.”

The younger blond scoffed. “I’m not afraid of-”

Naruto cut off mid-sentence when the mist beyond the barrier suddenly changed to an ominous blood red. The teens looked around apprehensively as maniacal laughter filled the air. The Yondaime breathed a sigh of relief. So Kushina was winning; not that he hadn’t expected her to, it was just good to have confirmation. 

“Ah, I think Kushina is just about done.”

Naruto no longer looked quite so confident in what he’d been about to say. Kushina had that effect on people.

The fog began to clear rapidly, and the battlefield came into sight. The first thing Minato noticed was the huge glowing red seal on the ground. How... how had she managed  _ that _ ? Fascinating piece of work... two subjects linked; one fueling the seal, one imprisoned. The link would cause whatever happened to one to be reflected on the other... oh.

The Yondaime couldn’t help but laugh. The voodoo doll seal? Greatly amplified and altered to be activated through bunshin instead of a doll with some hair tied to it, but the principle was the same. Kushina hadn’t used that since they were kids, back when she was teased for looking like a tomato. That one hadn’t been capable of more than minor phantom pains,  _ this _ one looked much more dangerous.

The teenagers shot him disturbed looks, and Minato quickly schooled himself back to seriousness. He forgot sometimes that while he might see his brilliant and beautiful wife doing awesome things, other people saw her as a raging sadistic psychopath on a rampage. Other people just didn’t understand her like he did. 

Kushina was saying something, and with the fog gone, they could make it out. “... I’m gonna  _ set you on fire. _ ”  And then she was cackling with madness again.

Minato struggled to keep a straight face. This was not helping the public’s opinion of her as a raging psychopath. Oh well, she would still forever be his brilliant and beautiful wife.

She raised the simple fire release seal that would set both the clone and real counterpart aflame. Her husband wondered briefly if he should advise the kids to avert their eyes, death by fire was not a pretty sight by any stretch of the imagination, but was saved the trouble when Zabuza suddenly keeled over dead; a senbon stuck expertly in his neck.

Instantly the Yondaime dropped to the ground and sent out a sensory chakra pulse. He should have done it much sooner but had gotten distracted by meeting his son and worrying over Kushina. It proved unnecessary, though, as the newcomer stepped out into full view. At least he’d confirmed there was no one else.

The person, Minato honestly couldn’t tell if it was a boy or a girl, wore a green and white haori held in place by a brown sash. A white mask with thin eye slits and a red swirl pattern covered their face, and even chakra enhancing his vision did nothing to peer past it. A mist hunter-nin, the blond hokage realized as the mysterious shinobi snatched up the enemy’s body before it could fall into the water.

Kushina froze as the seal she had so carefully crafted fizzled away into nothing. With the death of the subject, it no longer had a chakra system to feed off of and failed. Minato had just enough time curse loudly and begin calculating the trajectory he’d need to throw his Hiraishin kunai at to reach her, when her face twisted into a snarling rage and she launched herself at the stranger.

Fortunately for everyone, as attacking another village’s hunter-nin who was only doing their job on neutral soil could quite possibly cause an international incident if not start another war, Kakashi was much closer. Well, maybe it wasn’t quite so fortunate for Kakashi... still, it gave Minato time to figure out the right angle he’d need to throw the knife at his space-time barrier to have it come out where he needed it.

The Jikukan Kekkai wasn’t like other barriers, it diverted attacks by teleporting them away to one of his Hiraishin seals instead of just outright stopping them, though it could do that as well if necessary. 

Kakashi was having an incredibly difficult time trying to hold Kushina at bay with one arm and talk her down from her blood lust when Minato arrived. He caught his three-pronged kunai from mid-air before it could fall, and landed in a graceful crouched position in front of his wife.

Or he  _ would  _ have landed in a graceful crouched position if he hadn’t got caught up in the moment and forgotten that Naruto’s chakra hated him. When he’d first possessed a bunshin and teleported Kakashi to the underside of the hokage monument, he’d almost fallen off the cliff face the first time he’d tried to stick to carved stone. However, he’d been expecting it at the time, and a quick surge of excess chakra kept him attached long enough to figure out how to make it work.

Walking on water, though? It didn’t take as kindly to rapid fluctuations in chakra.

At least falling through the water with an indignant yelp of surprise had the intended effect of stopping Kushina in her tracks. She burst into hysterical laughter, genuine humor this time and not psychotic bloodlust, when the sopping blond surfaced and climbed carefully to his feet on top of the water.

“HA! Namikaze... genius prodigy... failed... water walking-! AHAHAHA-!”

This was probably some sort of karmic revenge for all the long hours he’d spent trying to teach Kushina water-walking when they were kids and him getting exasperated at her utter lack of chakra control. Apparently it hadn’t been entirely her fault, Uzumaki chakra was just difficult like that. The Yondaime heard a muffled snickering and turned a glare on the offender. Hatake feigned innocence as he replaced his headband over his sharingan; he’d brought it out to help handle Kushina.

“Ha ha. Yes, it’s hilarious.” Minato rolled his eyes. “I’m still getting used to Naruto’s chakra, alright?”

“Hn...,” Kakashi replied airily, before turning to regard the newcomer with false nonchalance. Kushina was still flailing with mirth on top of the water between them. The fact that she hadn’t fallen in yet herself was probably her own brand of rubbing it in her husband’s face. He ignored her, and joined his student in staring expectantly at the other shinobi.

The hunter-nin shot the writhing mass of shadow clone that had been previously attempting to disembowel them a wary look before focusing back on the other two. They had retreated slightly with the body and now stood on the lake shore not far from them. “I have been searching for the opportunity to kill Zabuza for a long time. Thank you very much.”

Kushina made a choking noise that sounded vaguely like an angry protest but didn’t manage to stop laughing long enough to act on it. Minato didn’t know whether to be relieved or irritated. 

“And now I must dispose of this body to protect village secrets, farewell.”

The mysterious ninja disappeared with the body in a Shunshin swirl of leaves and the Konoha-nin let them go. They had more pressing matters to see to, and they weren’t entirely sure Kushina wouldn’t try to kill the masked-shinobi once she regained her composure. Which was probably why the stranger hadn’t stuck around very long in the first place.

“Are you finished, or should I drag you back to shore?” Minato asked, peering down at his wife.

There were tears in her eyes when she looked up at him and replied, “Isn’t carrying another person a little advanced for someone who can’t even support themselves?” Then she dissolved into a fresh bout of laughter and her husband let out a long suffering sigh.

“Don’t worry, Sensei, I’ll take her if you can’t handle it,” Kakashi spoke up cheerfully, grabbing the giggling blond clone around the waist and hauling Kushina back toward the shore.

“It’s not that funny!” the Yondaime called out feeling more and more like the pouting twelve-year-old he currently looked like.

“Yes it is!” Kushina shot back childishly.

Grumbling about Uzumaki’s and their stupid difficult chakra, Minato trailed after them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting more chapters... yay...


	10. Oyako

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff and some minor angst, but then it gets fluffy again.

Naruto didn’t know what to think when Kakashi-sensei deposited a hysterical, giggling clone on the ground with another drenched and dripping bunshin walking sullenly behind. He’d seen the whole thing play out in front of him, but he just didn’t understand it. The wet one looked up from his scowling to meet the boy’s gaze with a small smile. 

Until Naruto stupidly asked, “Why’d you fall in?”

That set the crazy one back into fits of laughter, and turned the other’s face decidedly neutral. Naruto briefly worried he’d offended him, before remembering they were his own clones, even if Kakashi’s weird knife had made them act strangely. One of them even claimed to be his mother! Which kinda hurt, actually, but he hid it well. 

The dripping bunshin rolled its eyes at the other before making a quick hand-seal that caused the strange walls of inky lines to fall away. Naruto breathed a sigh of relief as he and his teammates went over to join their sensei, and the odd-ball clones.

“Naruto!” the laughing one exclaimed, sobering quickly just so they could pounce on the blond boy and capture him in a hug. At least this time it wasn’t nearly suffocating him. “Did you see your father’s face when he fell through the water? Priceless! Better enjoy it while you can, Minato’s worse than the Uchiha brat when it comes to being better than everyone. You can’t even get mad at him for it! He’s just too damn  nice  all the time!”

Father? He raised his eyes to regard at the other clone, who smiled softly back.

“Don’t worry, though, Mommy will teach you some tricks even he does-”

“Stop it!” Even he was a little surprised when he suddenly shouted and shoved his clingy kage bunshin off of him. He felt guilty at the surprised-hurt expression on their face, but turned determinedly to his silver-haired instructor for answers. “What was that strange kunai, and why did it make my clones act crazy?!”

Kakashi blinked at him, before turning to the slightly-less-crazy-clone with the knife. “He might find it easier to believe if you two looked like yourselves.”

“Probably,” the bunshin agreed forming a hand-seal.

The other one let out a choking gasp, “I’ve been a boy this  _ whole time _ ? Eww, gross! Why didn’t anyone tell me?” then quickly copied the other.

They both transformed at once and Naruto felt his stomach try to tie itself into knots when the smoke cleared. The same spiky blond hair, the same clear blue irises; it was like looking into a mirror and seeing his future self. The red-head standing next to him wasn’t nearly as obvious, but there were a few things; the face shape, the large expressive eyes that betrayed her nervousness in spite of the confident smile she kept in place.

It hurt to breathe, and all his thoughts and emotions jumbled together into one big mess as he tried to make sense of everything. He  _ wanted  _ to believe, he  _ really really _ did, but his life had already been filled with so much disappointment... 

He looked up at his sensei for help, but it was the blond-man - _ his father ?- _ who stepped forward instead. He crouched down to be more at eye level and spoke softly, “I know this is a lot for you to take in, and I’m sorry we just dumped all this on you without warning, but it couldn’t really be helped. I’m Namikaze Minato, and this is my wife, Uzumaki Kushina.

“Twelve years ago we had a son, and on that same day the Kyuubi attacked the village. What actually happened is very complicated, and I’d rather not get into it right now, but essentially your mother and I died to seal the nine-tails away where it wouldn’t hurt anybody anymore.” He stopped and looked as if he wanted to say more, but decided against it and moved on.

“Before we died, however, we were able to seal a bit of our chakra inside of our son in case the... in case of an emergency.” Here he paused and held up the white-handled three-pronged kunai that had started everything. “This, is one of my Hiraishin blades.”

Sakura let out a small excited squeak that she quickly stifled and then turned red when everyone looked over at her. “Sorry!” she apologized, “I still can’t believe you don’t know what that is! Or who  _ he _ is!” She clamped her mouth shut after that, however, and refused to say anymore.

“Heh, I didn’t know they put that in the textbooks,” the elder blond commented, rubbing his head self-consciously and Naruto returned his attention to him. “Er, moving on, on this blade is a seal that allows me to instantly transport to it’s location from anywhere else so long as I’m in range to sense it. Just recently I found out exactly how... versatile that is.

“This specific blade is one I gave Kakashi as a gift for making Jounin. I’m a little surprised he still carries it around with him, but it’s a good thing he does, or else I never would have figured out that I could use it to transport my spirit into a kage bunshin body. Which is where we are now.”

Minato peered carefully into his son’s face, trying to decipher what he was thinking. Mostly the poor kid looked confused.

“Did you understand all of that?” he asked hesitantly. “I sometimes have difficulty keeping my explanations simple... if you need some time to think it over, we could leave and-”

_ That _ provoked a reaction. “NO!”

Only his training at predicting people’s movements and sheer force of will kept Minato’s fragile clone form from being dispersed as he was suddenly bowled over by an emotional teenager. “Don’t you  _ dare _ leave!”

“I won’t,” the Yondaime quickly reassured him. The boy had his arms wrapped tightly around his chest, and his fingers clutched desperately to the back of his shirt. He was shaking, and Minato wasn’t sure if it was from anger or some other extreme emotion. He was just wondering if he should try and reciprocate the embrace when Naruto looked up with watery eyes.

“You... you’re really here? I’m not dreaming? This isn’t an illusion? Or... or...”

“You’re not dreaming, this isn’t an illusion, and yes, I’m really here. We both are.”

Kushina took that as an invitation to join the group-hug/dog-pile on her husband. Then reached up and pulled Kakashi into the hug as well. “Kakashi is here too! He’s your big brother, you know.”

“Adopted,” the jounin was quick to clarify, “and only because she says so.”

“Quiet, you. We took you in after your father died, you’re as much my son as Naruto is.”

Hatake sighed, but didn’t protest further. “Does this mean you’ll release the seal on my arm?”

“No.”

“I didn’t think so.” 

It was several minutes later before Kakashi, with a little bit of Minato’s help, convinced the others that they were, in fact, still on a mission, and really ought to get Tazuna home. The bridge builder had been standing off to the side the whole time with Sasuke and Sakura, generally feeling like it wasn’t a good idea to interrupt the little family moment.

Sakura had been watching with slightly misty eyes and no small amount of disbelief as it became more and more apparent that  _ Naruto _ was the son of  _ the _ Namikaze Minato. Not to mention, how could Sasuke-kun and Naruto  _ not know _ that name?! He was one of the most famous ninja in the whole village!

Sasuke hadn’t watched for very long, grinding his teeth and finding the foliage to his left much more worth his interest. He would  _ not _ be jealous of the dobe. He was relieved when it finally ended and they could continue on with the mission.

They only got a few steps before Kakashi suddenly collapsed for no apparent reason.

“Kakashi-sensei!” Naruto and Sakura exclaimed in alarm, while Sasuke merely frowned.

Minato chuckled as he bent down to examine the prone jounin. “I was wondering when that was going to happen.”

“Chakra exhaustion?” Kushina asked. She nudged the motionless figure with a foot and received no response. “The Sharingan still takes a lot out of him, huh?”

Her husband began leveraging the silver-haired jounin onto his back. “This brings back memories. Though, last time, he was fourteen and about half the weight.” The last part was said with a grunt as the Yondaime settled Kakashi’s weight into a comfortable position for carrying. 

They changed their walking formation after that, with Minato and Kakashi in the middle beside Tazuna; Sakura in front of them with Naruto and Kushina protecting the rear. Sasuke silently took point.

The dark-haired boy was walking a good distance ahead of the gaggle of idiots behind him when he suddenly felt two hands grab him under the arms and lift him up as if he were a small child. “Sasuke-kun!” a female voice called out that was definitely  _ not _ Sakura. Wasn’t she supposed to be in the back?!

“Look how big you’ve grown! Last time I held you, you were just an itty-bitty baby!” She set him down and he leapt away from her quickly. This woman knew him?

Kushina tilted her head as she looked him over thoughtfully, then stated definitively, “You don’t look anything like Itachi.”

He felt like someone had punched him in the gut. Anger flared up into a burning inferno of rage and he felt like he could set the woman on fire with his glare. How dare she say  _ that man _ _’s_ name!

“No, you definitely take after your mother. Which is good, because Mikoto-chan was way better looking than your father. Fugaku was not a handsome man...”

“ _ Stop it ...! _ ” the Uchiha hissed, her casual mention of his parents cutting like knives against old festering wounds.

The red-head paused and blinked in surprise as if completely unaware of the affect she was having on the teen. “Stop what? Oh, I suppose you’re right. I did promise Mikoto-chan I’d try to be more civil when talking about her husband. Fine. Fugaku was a fine shinobi and a loving husband who took good care of his family. There. Happy?”

Sasuke looked anything but.

“Kushina...?” Minato asked, uncertainly. He knew his wife was purposely pushing all of the teen’s wrong buttons, but couldn’t figure out why. She merely shot him a look, and the Yondaime knew instantly he needed to shut up and stay out of whatever it was she was doing. He nodded in acceptance and nudged Naruto back to his place as rear guard. He hoped she hurried back to her position, he didn’t like leaving their son on his own.

“Did you know,” Kushina went on, ignoring the enraged teen, “I used to go with your mom to take Itachi to the park once a week? We used to stop by Teyaki-ojisan’s bakery for a snack on the way-”

Sasuke’s self-control snapped and with an angry shout he launched himself at her, kunai in hand. The fight was very short and very one-sided, going about as well as the Uchiha had predicted before he’d lost his senses. Minato and Naruto hadn’t even had the time to react before Kushina had him tied up neatly in chakra chains.

Her arms folded over her chest as she regarded the struggling boy with a stern look. She picked carefully over her next words, trying to find the best way to say what was on her mind. She waited until he’d calmed down enough to hear her words before speaking again. When he’d gone from murderous rampage to sullen-promises-of-death glowering, she knew she had his undivided attention.

“It’s alright to be angry, it’s alright to be sad, it’s even alright to swear and plot vengeance upon the one who has wronged you.... but it is  _ not  _ okay for you to take that sadness and rage and direct it upon people who do not deserve it!”

She stepped forward until she was right in his face. “Do not make the mistake of thinking you are the only one who mourns them!  _ Especially _ do not make the mistake to presume you are the only one with the  _ right _ to mourn them! Your mother was like a sister to me; and if I choose to remember her by telling stories of the good times we had together? Then that is  _ my _ business, and  _ my _ right to do so!” 

Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes as she fought to control the torrent of emotion she tried to channel into her words. Mikoto’s death had hit her hard when she’d heard about it through Naruto. She and her husband had spent much of that day and the next swapping stories of the Uchiha they’d known. She didn’t even fully know the details of Uchiha massacre because her son had never shown an interest in it, but that didn’t matter right now. What mattered was that her sister-friend’s son was suffering, and Kushina had a promise to keep.

Hatred smoldered under dark obsidian as he snapped back, “Shut up! Don’t pretend to understand what I’m going through! You know  _ nothing _ ! I lost  _ everything  _ that night! How could you understand with you and your perfect little family over there!”

Kushina’s eyes narrowed dangerously, and Minato winced. That was absolutely the  _ wrong  _ thing to say to Uzumaki Kushina.

“ _ You _ - ! ” She paused, then took a deep breath to calm herself before starting again. “Tell me, Sasuke, have you ever heard of a village called Uzushiogakure? The Land of Whirlpools?”

The Uchiha snorted contemptuously, “No, what does tha-”

“It was a small village,” she interrupted him softly, “not even half the size of Konoha, but they were world renowned. Their skills in fuinjutsu, the sealing techniques, were the envy and fear of every other shinobi village. One clan in particular stood out above the rest, the Uzumaki clan. Crude, they were called, because their fuinjutsu techniques were unique and ever-changing. Nothing was impossible to an Uzumaki mind, and because it is said that fuinjutsu is only limited by your imagination... well, you can see why they were seen as a threat.”

Kushina had grown quiet, and Sasuke’s glare had lost a significant amount of heat as he sensed where this story was leading.

“It happened in one night. I didn’t just lose my clan, I lost my  _ entire village _ . So don’t you  _ dare _ accuse me of not knowing loss! I may not know  _ exactly _ what you’re going through, but I  _ do _ understand what it’s like to lose everything!” she hissed at him. 

They spent a silent moment glaring at each other while Kushina made sure her words sunk in. Then she released him and dismissed her chakra chains. “I also know what can happen if you let that loss consume you, and I know what can help lessen the pain. Yes, you’ve lost everything, and no there isn’t any way to bring them back or to make it stop hurting; but you’re still here. You can make new bonds and gain more precious people. 

“Actually, you have some already if you’re willing to claim them,” she mused, wryly. “Mikoto-chan made me -unofficially and without your father’s permission, of course- your god-mother right before I died. I doubt this is what either of us had in mind when I made the promise to see you and Itachi taken care of should the worst happen, but I’m still fulfilling it the best way I know how. As far as I’m concerned, you’re one of my sons. I now have three.”

She smiled and lashed out a hand to ruffle his hair affectionately before he could duck away. He shot her another glare, storming off to go brood at the front of their group again. She chuckled then shouted after him.

“And if you ever want to share stories about your family, I’ve got some really funny ones of a two-year-old Itachi getting into your mother’s kunoichi make-up bag!”

The teen froze in his tracks but didn’t turn around as he wordlessly continued on his way.


	11. Sasuke's Just Ignoring Them All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More wacky hijinks.

“Aha! Jackpot!”

Minato shot his wife an amused look as she grinned triumphantly over the prize she had just liberated from Kakashi’s pack. A small inkpot, a brush, and some paper. Anyone who knew Kushina at all would have shuddered in terror at seeing those in her hands. Except for her husband, of course.

“Naruto!” she called cheerfully, falling back into position walking beside her son. “Mommy needs your blood.”

The Yondaime craned his head around curiously, just in time to see the horrified-puzzled look on the younger blond’s face.

“Wha- my blood? Why?” he sputtered, eyeing the red-head warily.

Her grin didn’t falter. “Fuinjutsu.”

“What?”

“An Uzumaki that doesn’t know what fuinjutsu is?!” she gasped, looking down at him in shock. Then she snatched her son in a tight hug and pat his head patronizingly. “My poor baby! Don’t worry, Mommy will fix this!”

The teen looked up at him for help, but Minato could only grin back. Kakashi was heavy when he had the strength and endurance of a twelve-year-old. It was mildly irritating that he had to use chakra enhancement or he’d have dropped the jounin miles ago. Though it was good practice to get used to Naruto’s chakra.

“Fuinjustu is the art of sealing, it is wonderful and glorious and the most powerful jutsu of all!” Kushina explained, still clinging to the boy. Not that he was exactly struggling to get free. “It’s an Uzumaki specialty. You’ll be surprised how fast you learn once I begin teaching you. Now, I need to add your blood to the ink so it’ll use less chakra to activate and will be more powerful. Just a few drops.”

“You can’t use your own?” the teen asked, wrinkling his nose.

Kushina shrugged. “Well, I could. But then it would disappear when I went poof and destabilize any seal made with it. That doesn’t matter if the seal is on me, but it might cause all sorts of mayhem if it were elsewhere. Usually they explode. Violently. Considering this is going to be on Minato’s head-”

“What?”

“-we probably want to avoid that.”

Naruto was quick to donate the necessary drops and soon Kushina was approaching her husband with a paintbrush. He eyed her uncertainly. “What are you doing?”

“Making it so you won’t pop if someone pokes you with a stick.” She wasted no time painting the Uzumaki spiral seal base on her hand and surrounding it with squiggly symbols only a fuinjutsu user would understand. Fortunately, the Yondaime was one.

“That’s the stabilizer seal? You changed it.”

“Yeah, I can’t do anything fancy yet, not without my notes and time to test it, but I have been working on efficiency. Using less of the clone’s chakra, making it last longer and-”

“Okay, I give up,” a very baffled looking Tazuna suddenly announced from his position behind the Kakashi laden Minato, “Where the hell did you two come from, and why are you all acting like it’s no big deal two strangers just showed up out of nowhere?”

The elder blond turned back to regard the bridge-builder seriously. He’d all-but forgotten the civilian until now because he’d been so quiet the whole time. Probably due to how utterly confusing the current situation was. Minato wasn’t even sure he understood it fully himself, how was he going to explain it to a civilian?

He glanced over at Kushina but she didn’t even look up from her seal work as she replied with a distracted, “Busy.”

No help there.

“My apologies, Tazuna-san,” the Yondaime began, turning to face the client. “We forgot to introduce ourselves and explain the change in the mission parameters. I am Namikaze Minato, a...,” well, he wasn’t a kage anymore so he was a...? “jounin of Konoha.”

He ignored Kushina’s amused snort and the pink-haired girl’s frown of consternation. 

“This is my wife, Uzumaki Kushina, also a jounin of Konoha, and we will be assuming Hatake Kakashi’s role as jounin supervisors to the genin team assigned to your mission. I apologize for any inconvenience this change causes you and promise it will not endanger the success of this mission.”

“Old geezer should be thanking us,” Kushina muttered under her breath. “If not for us he’d probably be dead by now.”

“If not for us, Kakashi would have had both arms and probably have been able to take that guy,” Minato hissed back quietly.

She merely shrugged in an ‘I-regret-nothing’ sort of way.

“... I still don’t get it. Whatever, so long as you can keep me safe while I finish the bridge, you ninja can do whatever crazy jutsu things you need to do to get it done,” the elder man replied, taking a long swig from the sake bottle hanging from his pack. Clearly he wasn’t drunk enough for all this.

“You’re a jounin?” Naruto asked, walking closer, but not quite ahead enough to be considered out of position. “Both of you?”

“Yep,” Minato answered brightly. “I was Kakashi’s jounin sensei when he was even younger than you are.”

Sakura made a strange gurgling choking noise. “He’s not-! You-! How can you be so blind?!” She buried her head in her hands, while Naruto gave her a confused look. Suddenly her head shot up and she turned to her blond teammate. “Hey, Naruto, you want to be hokage right? Surely that means you know a lot about them...?”

“Eh? Why would I want to know about a bunch of old geezers? I just gotta be stronger than all of them and then I’ll be hokage myself!” Minato couldn’t help but smile at his son’s bold statement. So much like his mother.

The girl looked about ready to throttle him, but tried one more time. “Well, you spend a lot of time up at the hokage monument, don’t you... remember anything about them?”

Naruto frowned, squinting as he folded his arms and thought hard. “Oh! Now I remember... I was going to go paint the faces again when I got back! Thanks for reminding me, Sakura-chan!”

Kushina perked up at the mention of mischief. “You are? Can Mommy help? I claim the Yondaime’s face! That face belongs to me, and I’m still upset they never got my permission to put it up on a mountain for everyone to see.”

Naruto didn’t quite understand that last part, but he did get that his mother was offering to help him with a prank. No adult ever did that! “Sure! We can get more paint on the way home!”

“Excellent! We can drag Minato along too! What do you say, dear? Paint a mustache on the Yondaime’s face with me?” the redhead taunted, turning her big round lavender eyes on him.

He sighed. He was pretty sure this was her teasing him for being unable to grow any facial hair. “If only to keep you two out of too much trouble.”

Sakura threw her hands up in frustration, giving up on trying to make Naruto see who his father was. Instead she asked a question that had been bothering her for a while. “If you two are married, how come you don’t have the same family name?”

“Because he’s just too damn  _ nice! _ ” Kushina growled, rolling her eyes. Her annoyance was spoiled by the embarrassed blush on her cheeks and slight smile she couldn’t quite squash.

Minato saved her from having to explain. “Well, while we were dating, Kushina once told me that she really regretted that she’d have to give up her Uzumaki name once she got married. It’s one of the only things she has left tying her to her clan and home village. I don’t have a clan, I was an orphan and the name ‘Namikaze’ was given to me by the caretakers. So, since it wasn’t all that important to me, I told her when I proposed that we could have a matrilineal marriage. I had to keep my last name, though, since I’d already made quite a reputation for myself, but Kushina kept hers and all our children would take the Uzumaki name.” 

He peered down at the kids to see if they understood all that, and was slightly disturbed at the sparkly dreamy fangirl eyes the pink-haired girl was giving him. Naruto, predictably, looked confused. “Matriliny-what?”

“Matrilineal! It means the husband joins the wife’s family instead of the other way around, baka!” Sakura shouted, raising a fist. It didn’t get a chance to land on her teammate’s head, however, before a chakra chain lashed out and caught it.

“Don’t. Hit,” Kushina growled, actually leaking a bit of killer intent to get her point across. “He’s not an idiot for asking that. Hell, I didn’t even know what the word meant until Minato explained it to me, and I was a lot older than Naruto is. You and me are going to have a few words about the proper way to treat people later.”

Gulping, Sakura nodded as her wrist was released and the elder kunoichi went back to finishing her seals. Minato had to suppress an amused chuckle at the irony of Uzumaki Kushina giving someone else a lecture on ‘non-violence’. 

They were just in sight of their destination when Kushina suddenly announced she was done. She handed two paper seals to Naruto with instructions to give them back to her the next time time they were summoned in combat, before skipping up to her husband with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Minato knew that look. That could mean any number of things, good or bad, for him. Usually both.

Using the one arm that didn’t have seal ink all over it, she pulled his head down to hers and kissed him passionately enough to make it borderline indecent given their current company. Not that Minato was aware enough to remember that, he was just irritated that his arms were full with carrying Kakashi and he couldn’t wrap them around her in retaliation.

They separated far too soon for his liking, but he had to reluctantly admit, now that he had a moment to think clearly, that this was hardly the time or place for such things.

“Take care of the kiddies for me,” was all the warning he received before his wife slammed the seal on his forehead and activated it.

“Kushina-!” he started, eyes going wide, but she’d already exploded into a cloud of summoning smoke, the bunshin’s chakra having been depleted. He had to remind himself that she wasn’t gone, just returned to the seal. Ever since she’d offered to kill herself to seal the kyuubi, his semi-irrational fear of losing her had gotten worse.

“Should... I make another clone?” Naruto asked uncertainly.

Minato took a deep breath before beginning to move forward again. Forcing himself to see the logic of the situation instead of the emotions that wanted to go get her back right that very moment. “No, she can’t get out on her own. I’d have to go back to help her and I’m busy carrying Kakashi. Besides, it’s probably not a good idea for you to be constantly maintaining two bunshin and exhausting yourself. You look alright, but I want to wait until tomorrow to see how much of a drain we are on your system. I didn’t fight as much, I should be able to stay until Kakashi wakes up, at least.”

It was with that slightly more somber mood that they reached their client’s home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter in which we learn more some stuff about Kushina.
> 
> Maybe I should post those 'Tales of Babysitting Uchiha Itachi' drabbles I have around somewhere...  
> -Py


	12. Father-Son Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some realization. Some parent bonding. And then some other stuff...

 Naruto woke the next morning wondering what the heck he ate last night to cause such a weird dream. He thought he’d gotten over those dreams of where his parents finally showed up to claim their son. Apparently not, though this one had been unusually realistic. Ha, as if there were a magic knife that could turn kage bunshin into parents...

He felt something drop onto his hand and looked down at the small spot of moisture distantly. Ah, he was crying. He quickly wiped his eyes and pasted his fake-it-till-it’s-true smile on instead and forced his thoughts on something happier.

He was on his first C-rank mission! The unfamiliar surroundings told him that much, though he wished he had an easier time dividing his dream memories from his actual memories. Had they actually fought that no-brows guy with the giant sword? Or had that been part of his dream? Did Kakashi-sensei really pass out?

Meh, he was sure someone would say something to clear it up when he got downstairs. He got dressed quickly and went to find the others, trying not to think about how awesome it would have been to have had those two from his dream actually be his parents. Even if his ‘mother’ was kind of scary.

Sasuke had to be up by now or else Naruto would have seen him in the room they shared. So the blond wasn’t surprised to see his stoic teammate sitting at the front table sipping a cup of tea. Kakashi was lying in a futon on the floor off to the side, either still unconscious or just sleeping, Naruto wasn’t sure.

“Morning, teme!” Naruto greeted loudly, meandering over to the kitchen to see if there was any food already made, or if they were going to have to eat ration bars for breakfast.

“Hn,” the ever-so-talkative Uchiha answered without looking away from the window he was staring out of.

The blond teen didn’t find much in the way of food, but he did see something that made his breath catch. There, along the corners of the window, were tiny faintly glowing symbols. Those... those were from...

Sasuke shot his teammate a glare when the blond nearly knocked over his tea as he scrambled over the table to get to the door faster. Naruto jerked the door open, and hastily scanned the door jam. There! More little black markings; and, when he placed a thumb over a small spiral symbol, the whole array stopped glowing. Just like his... his dad said it would.

They were security seals, set to ignore the current residents of the house and immobilize anyone else. When one of the house occupants pressed a finger against the spiral, it disabled the seal to allow guests in. Normally it would have required a chakra pulse, but his father changed it so the civilians could use it.

Which meant that he hadn’t been dreaming! But...

Again Sasuke found himself glaring at his teammate, but this time because the shorter teen had grabbed him by the front of his shirt and brought them face to face. “Where is he?!”

The Uchiha scowled back at the frantic looking blond, trying to convey just exactly how irritated he was, but when the boy didn’t take the hint, he decided be a little less subtle. Taking advantage of his peer’s poorly balanced stance, he hooked a foot around the other teen’s ankle and initiated a brief struggle which ended with the brunette sitting comfortably on top of his opponent’s back with one hand twisting Naruto’s arm at a painful angle, and the other resuming its earlier task of sipping tea.

“Where is who?” Sasuke asked.

“My dad! Get off me!” the blond shouted, partially muffled by the floor and by the pain shooting through his shoulder.

"Hn," came the dark haired boy's reply as he debated over his answer. To tell the dobe, or to let him sit and stew for a while? Choices...

Eventually, it was the memory of a sadistic redheaded woman with chakra chains that decided that ending the torture of the blond spawn of that woman was probably in his own best interest.

“He dispersed himself after Kakashi-sensei woke up last night." He released the idiot reluctantly.

Naruto rolled to his feet, his eyes searching the room frantically. "Where's the knife?!"

Rolling his eyes, Sasuke fished the special blade out of a pocket. Kakashi had given it to him after the jounin had woken him up to take final watch. "This knife?"

The Uchiha had to snatch his hand back or risk having it sliced in his teammate's rush to take the kunai.

"Kage Bunshin!"

The blond wasted no time summoning two clones and passing them the knife. Instantly one of them lit up with a bright smile. “Naruto!”

It shoved the blade at the other clone and jumped to tackle-hug the original. When Sasuke snorted, the clone reached up without hesitation to pull the Uchiha into the embrace as well. “Sasuke! Good morning! How are my two favorite boys?”

Naruto couldn’t suppress the wide smile that threatened to split his face in two. Sasuke glared irritatedly at a wall, but those who looked closely noticed he wasn’t resisting the hug as much as he could have.

“I thought I was your favorite,” the other clone spoke with mock hurt in its voice. Then it made a quick hand sign. “Henge.”

Naruto looked up to see his father standing there, just like from his dream that hadn’t been a dream. Dressed like Kakashi sensei, but without the green vest and mask covering his lower face, the elder blond smiled cheerfully back.

“Pffft, you’re my favorite husband,” Kushina clarified, releasing the boys to perform her own transformation jutsu.

“You have other husbands I don’t know about?”

Kushina turned to face Minato with a smirk. “Wouldn’t you like to know...”

All the noise must have awoken the other inhabitants of the house, because soon Tsunami poked her head into the room. “Oh my, everyone is awake without me! Just hold on a moment and I’ll get breakfast started.”

“Can I help?” Kushina asked, brightening at the idea of getting to serve her son his first mother-cooked meal.

“If you want to, sure.”

“Great! Let’s make ramen!” Kushina cheered. Both blonds in the room whipped their heads around at the sound of that mouth-watering word.

Tsunami hesitated as she made her way to the kitchen. “Uhm, that’s not really a breakfast food, and I’m not sure we have all the ingredients...”

“No worries,” the redhead replied. “We can send Minato and Naruto out to get what we need.” She completely ignored the other issue the other woman had brought up.

“Why bother?” a pessimistic voice interrupted from the stairway. “They’re all going to die anyway.”

Inari stepped into the room and took a seat at the table as far from the others as he could. He seemed completely unaffected by the various frowns and scowls directed his way. Naruto looked like he wanted to say something, but he wasn’t sure what after he’d already tried talking sense into the kid last night.

“It’s too early in the morning to be worrying about such things,” Minato replied quietly, the only one to still have a smile on his face. “What did you need us to pick up, Kushina? Though I’m not sure how much money we have, my vault is still back in Konoha...” His son looked up in surprise at the mention of a vault. He hadn’t realized his parents might still have stuff from before their deaths.

Kushina waved a hand in dismissal at her husband’s concern. “Kakashi, quit faking sleep and give some money to the sensei you stabbed and the little brother you ignored for twelve years.”

The jounin sighed, not moving from his futon. “Trying to get back to sleep is not the same thing as faking sleep,” he muttered.

“I know. You were faking. Money,” the redhead persisted.

Grimacing, Kakashi pulled his wallet out and tossed it to the taller blond with his good arm. It wasn’t that important, he had more saved up back home. Besides, Kushina was perfectly capable of sealing another limb if he tried to protest.

“Sensei,” he called out, making the blonds pause on their way out the door. “Don’t forget we still need to plan for _that_ when you come back.”

“I haven’t forgotten,” Minato assured him. “Come on, Naruto. Let’s make this trip quick, your mother’s ramen is the best in the world!”

“Really? Even better than Ichiraku’s?”

“Yep!”

The rest of the conversation was cut off as the father and son closed the door behind them.

 

* * *

 

The Yondaime frowned at the inadequate selection of meat presented to them at the butcher’s shop. He was fairly certain that the ground pork was actually ground cat, and that the beef slabs in the corner were far past spoiled. Most of the market had been like this, but since the vegetables were going to be chopped up and boiled, their freshness hadn’t mattered so much. Meat... meat was a different story.

He sighed. He was probably going to have to go hunting for it himself, it wouldn’t be the first time. During the war, most shinobi had had to learn to hunt and forage for themselves. Limiting their reliance on supply lines had been too good of a tactical advantage to pass up.

“There’s nothing for us here,” Namikaze said, leading the way back out onto the street. “We may have to go kill our own meat.”

Naruto looked excited at the prospect. “Really? You can hunt? Are you any good at it? Can you teach me?”

The boy was positively bouncing with eagerness and Minato couldn’t resist the urge to ruffle his hair affectionately. “Hunting isn’t too difficult if you have any chakra sensing abilities and a basic earth jutsu at your disposal. You don’t at the moment, but teaching them to you well enough to hunt shouldn’t take longer than a couple weeks.” He forgot sometimes that what took him weeks to master, often took others months or even years.

Naruto let out a whoop of joy that quickly turned into a startled yelp as his pocket became suddenly lighter. Angrily he whirled around just in time to see a small child dart through the crowd with his Gama-chan in hand. Aw, man, how embarrassing to get swindled by a snot nosed runt in front of his dad? He raced after kid, intent on getting his frog wallet back and redeeming his standing with his father.

“Get back here, brat!”

So intent on his quarry as he rounded a corner down a deserted alley way, he didn’t hear his dad call out, or sense the danger up ahead. The kid ducked behind a dumpster, and when Naruto rushed forward to dive after him, something fell from above and struck him hard across the back of his head.

A normal twelve year old would have been knocked unconscious for hours, but Naruto was hardly normal. His Uzumaki heritage combined with the kyuubi chakra combined with his abnormally thick skull meant that he was only dazed for a moment or so. Enough time for his assailant to grab him and hold a sword to his neck.

Naruto’s vision cleared just as his father skid to a halt at the alley’s entry way. He groaned. Great. Now he was being held hostage too! Super annoyed, and ready to create about a thousand clones to beat this guy into the ground, Naruto started to form the cross hand seal.

That was when a miasma of seething rage and cold fury flooded the area, freezing the teen in place. It was like Zabuza all over again but somehow... much worse. Killing intent, he realized, and whoever was emitting it made the Demon of the Mist seem like a child in a sandbox. He had to concentrate just to keep himself breathing!

Fearfully, he snuck a glance up at the man holding him. Was there another high class enemy hired by Gato?

But the guy was frozen in terror too! Shaking so badly the sword fell out of his hand as he stared straight ahead and unblinkingly at...

Naruto followed the man’s gaze and felt his breath hitch at the sight of the blue-eyed demon coming steadily closer. Some vague part of his brain tried to protest that it was his dad but, until a few days ago, that had been a foreign concept, and his panicked state of mind couldn’t comprehend it. That figure with the swirling, almost tangible, aura of malevolence surrounding it did not match up with the calm, happy-go-lucky, somewhat clumsy and always-smiling image he’d built up of his father.

And when he spoke, his voice was filled with promises of agonizing death. “Release. My. Son. **Now.** ”

 

* * *

 

When his son had darted away from him in the crowded market place to chase a pick pocket, Minato had chuckled and quickened his pace to follow. He noticed the small spike of killing intent only just a few steps from the corner his son had turned down, and he froze at the sight of a samurai holding blade to his little boy’s neck.

“Give me all your valuables or I kill ‘im,” the swordsman taunted with sadistic glee.

Instantly his mind began calculating a variety of possible strategies. Most of which involved the Hiraishin seal on his son’s head. A lot also involved instantly killing the man before he could react and possibly harm Naruto; however, he was reluctant to have his little boy’s first experience with death be from him. Especially not if that death involved being covered in blood and/or gore afterwards.

It wasn’t helping that images of a dark cloaked figure with an orange one-eyed mask kept darting through his brain. Along with the memory of an explosive tag wrapped baby. He hadn’t been fast enough his original body, what made him so certain he could be fast enough in this weak clone one? He ruthlessly stomped down on that doubt, but couldn’t quite squash it. This wasn’t an S-Class possibly-Madara Sharingan wielding unknown shinobi, this samurai was low Chuunin level, at best!

In the small fraction of a second it took him think all of that, he accidentally let loose a small amount of the killing-intent he had bottled up. Normally experienced shinobi kept a tight hold of the threat they emitted, otherwise they’d never be able to sneak past anything, or ever keep an assassination secret. Now however... with the way the swordsman had frozen up... there wasn’t any particular need for stealth, and it did mean he wouldn’t have to kill him or even use the Hiraishin...

He was reluctant to do anything that would possibly give him away as the Yellow Flash. He didn’t want his seeming resurrection to get back to any of his enemies that may come after him; and, by extension, come after his wife and child. It was unavoidable that it would leak out eventually, but he had hoped to gain as much time to be with his family and train up his son to be able to take care of himself as possible.

Decided, Minato released more of his deadly emotions and watched in satisfaction as the man dropped his sword. Good. His son was almost safe. Slowly, and ominously, he began to walk forward.

“Release. My. Son. **Now.** ”

The effect on the samurai was instant, snatching his hands away from the boy as if burned. Naruto scrambled clear and the Yondaime would have stopped to check on him, but he needed to remove the threat first. He stopped just a few feet from the man, making him sweat as he narrowed his gaze dangerously. “You are fortunate I wish to spare my son the sight of me turning your insides into your outsides. Leave. Before I change my mind about hunting you down later.”

With a jerky nod the man turned and ran from his presence, not even bothering to pick up his sword. When he’d disappeared from Minato’s line of vision, he finally released the oppressive atmosphere. Now he could check on his son.

He turned cheerfully back to the younger blond. “Naruto, are you al-”

Minato cut off abruptly at the sight of the wide-eyed quivering orange child pressed with his back against the wall. Being stabbed would have been less painful than seeing his own son look at him with that fear in his eyes. He felt like kicking himself. How could he have forgotten? Normally children spent so much time in the presence of their parents they developed a resistance to their blood lust. Babies were born with it even, but they could lose it if either parent wasn’t around for a long period of time, though it was much more likely to happen with the father than the mother. Twelve years definitely counted as a ‘long period of time’.

‘ _Kami, killing the man would have been less traumatizing...’_

 


	13. Kushina May Actually Kill Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drama llamaz... and then Kushina.

**Chapter 13: Kushina May Actually Kill Him**

Minato stood rooted to the spot as his mind, which normally had at least a dozen different plans ready to hand him, drew a complete blank as to how to deal with this. Well, not a _complete_ blank, but at least no plans he could foresee having a positive outcome. If he drew closer, would that help or only scare his son more? Should he leave and let his son come to terms with this on his own? He could follow his son in stealth, so safety wouldn’t truly be an issue... but that idea really didn’t appeal to him.

If this was about acclimating Naruto to his presence, then wouldn’t it make more sense for him to stay with the boy? But then wouldn’t he be scaring him even more...? Naruto looked like he might bolt at the slightest provocation, and had yet to meet his father’s gaze since his first reaction of flinching and looking away.

Augh, the whole thing was just a mess! He wasn’t a Yamanaka; the extent of his psychological training was to break people, not put them back together! If only Kushina were here, she’d know what to do... after killing him for causing this mess in the first place, of course. She was going to be furious when she found out.

A noise startled both of them and the elder blond looked over to see the small pickpocket from before peak out from behind the trash. The child froze at the sight of him. The Yondaime fought the urge to sigh in exasperation as the kid’s already tear-stained eyes began to water. Konoha’s fearsome Yellow Flash and terrifier of small children. Kushina was going to have a field day with this. You know, after she got over being angry with him.

The street urchin threw something at his feet before turning around and fleeing. Minato felt bad about scaring the kid, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. Naruto took precedence.

He looked down to see his son’s green frog wallet and stooped down to pick it up. Partly so he could return it to Naruto, but mostly to buy more time before having to face the inevitable. Well, he couldn’t put it off forever, and since he couldn’t see leaving his son as a good thing... staying and talking to him was probably for the best.

* * *

 

Naruto struggled to control the overwhelming fear that threatened to take over his mind. The intense pressure of bloodlust disappeared almost as fast as it had come, but he still couldn’t stop shaking. Dammit, he’d made a vow to not be a scaredy-cat anymore! He was going to be Hokage! He couldn’t let something like this stand in his way!

But those eyes... like staring death in the face.

He couldn't look at them or he'd break and run. As if there was any hope of escape from _that_.

Naruto shoved that thought forcefully aside, he would not be afraid! He wasn't a weakling! He-

_Oh, kami, it was coming closer!_

His treacherous brain began thinking of running again, and only got worse as the demon approached. His muscles hurt from being tensed and ready to flee, but the figure stopped just out of arm's reach and crouched down.

Suddenly his vision was filled with green fabric and he blinked rapidly at the frog in his face. Gama-chan?

"You know," a soft voice spoke, "it's actually a little ironic that you chose this wallet out of all the others. Did you know your old man had signed a contract with the toad summons? Heh. I wonder what Gamabunta-sama would think of your Gama-chan here?"

Naruto's mind stalled as it tried to wrap itself around this seemingly random choice of topic. What? He lifted his gaze to see who was talking to him, but a glimpse of _those_ eyes stopped him. He clenched his fists in frustration.

The soft voice sighed. “I’m sorry. I should have known better than to use that much killing intent around someone who’s not used to it.”

He sounded so sad, and... like he should know that voice. There was a rustle of cloth as the figure in front of him settled into a sitting position.

“Your mother is going to kill me when we get back, you know. I hope you enjoyed having a dad for a day, because I’m so dead.” He paused. “Well, more dead.”

_Dad?_ Naruto wondered as memories began to surface. Of the smiling blond man next to an energetic redhead. Of waking up this morning and discovering it hadn’t all just been a dream... This was his dad?

Something snapped within him and he felt a surge of anger war with the fear flooding his system. No. Absolutely not! HE REFUSED! He was so fed up with being scared all the time! He was going to become the most powerful ninja in the world, he shouldn’t be afraid of anything! Least of all his father!

Minato was startled when his son suddenly leapt to his feet and punched the wall beside them. Hard. He repeated the process, while muttering something that gradually grew louder until the Yondaime could make out, “I am _not_ afraid!”

Naruto’s knuckles began to split and bleed and Minato reached out to stop him from damaging himself further. He stopped when the teen flinched away from his hand, but his son let out a growl of frustration and whirled on his father. Seizing him by the shirt and pressing their foreheads together so he could stare straight into Minato’s eyes, he ground out between clenched teeth, “I. Am. Not. Afraid.”

The elder blond let him hold that position, wondering if he should do anything to help, but it wasn’t long before his son let go and stood up straight. He folded his arms and nodded confidently at the Yondaime as if the whole matter had been settled. “I’m not afraid of you.”

Minato couldn’t help himself, he burst out laughing. It was just... he was so... so... _Kushina_! Even the offended pout his son was giving him now was exactly like his mother’s! Which meant he should probably stop before Naruto started pummeling him for finding his seriousness funny.

It took a bit of his political straight-face training to get his mirth under control, but he managed it. “Sorry, I wasn’t laughing at you, I was laughing at how much you reminded me of Kushina. You may look like me, but you definitely act like your mother. Speaking of which, we should get back before she starts to worry.”

The teen’s expression went from a scowl to an awed smile as he remember what they had been sent out for in the first place. “Mom’s making ramen!”

The boy quickly grabbed the Yondaime’s sleeve and pulled him to his feet. He didn’t let go until the elder blond chuckled and ruffled his hair before quickening his pace to a suitable speed. They stopped long enough to pick up the bag of produce from the entrance of the alley before Naruto had them speed off again.

* * *

 

“Mom!” Naruto exclaimed as he shoved the door open, and boy was it a novel experience to be able to use that word! He barely remembered to remove his shoes before rushing over to hand the redhead the bag of ingredients he’d been carrying. “We got all the stuff you need for ramen! Is almost done? Can we eat soon? How long will it take?”

She smiled brightly at him as she took the bag and began peeling and chopping vegetables. “Not too long. You guys took longer than expected, did anything happen?”

The boy completely missed the way Minato stiffened from his spot near the doorway as he opened his mouth and began explaining about the guy with the sword and how Dad had scared him away by just glaring at him -he may have forgotten to mention the part about his own fear- and how they’d had a race home and how he was a little upset that his dad had let him win...

He wasn’t sure, but it seemed like his mother had gone unnaturally still during his story, and when he finished, she’d answered with a, “Is that so? Would you please go outside and bring in some firewood for the stove?”

Naruto thought she’d be more excited than that, but nodded with a confident grin and went out the back to do as requested.

As soon as the door had shut, Minato ducked. Which was fortunate as a kitchen knife went sailing through the spot his head had just occupied. It embedded itself into the wooden door frame behind him and he shot his wife a nervous look. She didn’t even know about the worst part of it yet...

“Kushina... Honey...”

Blue chakra swirled around her catching her hair and making it flutter like fire behind her. He could practically feel the rage radiating from his wife as she fixed him with a murderous glare. “ _Run_ , Namikaze.”

The Yondaime didn’t need to be told twice and was out the door before anyone could say ‘Yellow Flash’, the Red-Hot Habanero right on his heels.

 


	14. Why Kushina Never Taught a Genin Team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kushina... she teaches things. Good times happen.

This was not at all what Sakura had imagined when Kushina-san had offered to teach her water walking since she’d mastered tree walking so fast.

At first she had been surprised and excited when the powerful kunoichi had made her the offer, though puzzled as to why she didn’t want to train her son. The redhead assured her she could easily do both while they guarded the bridge and Tazuna-san. In retrospect, that probably should have been the first warning sign.

Naruto hadn’t been too happy to learn that his mother would be training his teammate and leave him to struggle next to the teme in their efforts to climb a tree. Especially not after what had happened that morning when they’d sent him outside only to disappear by the time he’d gotten back. He’d been quite upset to find them just randomly missing

Even more so when Kakashi had forbidden him to go looking for them. This was the first time the couple had been out just the two of them since being sealed away in the Kyuubi seal for twelve years; argument or not, he doubted they would let the opportunity slip by. Yeah. No way in hell was the jounin going to risk having to de-traumatize the kid from _that._

Fortunately Kushina had come back before too long looking very satisfied as she handed the white handled kunai to her son. When said son asked where his dad was, his mother had patted him on the head and said, “He’s on time out until I say otherwise. Ramen time!”

She’d only relented and let her husband back out so he could train with Naruto after it became apparent that leaving their client with only a twelve-year-old girl for protection was just unacceptable. Kakashi was in no shape to do it, so that fell to Kushina. Hence why Kushina had thought to make her offer to Sakura in the first place.

The second warning sign came when Kushina-san had tossed a ration bar at the pink-haired girl and insisted she eat it. “You hardly ate any of the ramen we made this morning, and I’m not training you on a half empty stomach.”

“Ah, that’s alright. I’m on a diet,” Sakura explained, handing it back. Dieting to keep your figure was surely something Kushina-san could understand, being a girl herself.

At least, that’s what she had thought up until the redhead had replied flatly, “Would you rather be fat, or would you rather be dead? Because I’ll tell you right now, a dieting kunoichi is a dead kunoichi. Eat or die, your choice.”

Sakura had chosen to eat.

The third warning sign was probably when they’d gotten to the bridge and the younger girl had looked down at the water. She’d wondered aloud, “How are we going to get the water up here for me to walk on? Some sort of suiton jutsu?”

“You’re a kunoichi,” Kushina had replied, resting a solemn hand on her shoulder as if imparting great words of wisdom. “You’ll live.”

Sakura’s eyes widened in horror as the woman gave her a great shove that sent her toppling over the rail-less edge. Which was where the pink-haired girl was now, in the ice cold water sputtering obscenities at the redhead above while the crazy lady shouted down belated words of advice.

“It’s just like tree-walking! Only... moving. And not solid. Heh. You’ll figure it out!”

With that taken care of, Kushina turned to the second task of teaching Naruto. She made a quick kage bunshin, pleased that Minato’s bunshin theory was correct and that she could, in fact, make one. Now to see if his other ‘fuinjutsu is like paperwork and the bunshins will totally work the same as when I used them to survive being Hokage’ theory pans out. They’d had a lot of time to theorize stuff through the night.

“Okay, go and grab some Naruto clones and get him started on memorizing the basics. Let the rest know we made it to the bridge safely and things seem fine here so far; and that, if you’re dispersed, it’s because I’m being attacked and they should probably send backup to fish Pinky out of the water. Alright?” she instructed quickly.

“Got it!” the clone replied, darting off. “I get to spend time with Minato and Naruto! Yes!”

“Don’t rub it in!” she called after it.

“Sucks to be you!”

“You _are_ me!” Kushina growled. Man, her kage bunshin was a jerk.

***

Meanwhile, Minato was having his own training session. Not that it was anything exciting, more like waiting for Sasuke and Naruto to learn tree-walking enough to use it in spar while he sat and... meditated. A lot. It was a good way to improve chakra control, especially when combined with his chakra sensory technique, but not terribly entertaining.

Actually, now that he was thinking about it, the chakra sensory technique would be something he could teach the pink-haired girl. You know, the one he still couldn’t remember the name of for the life of him in spite of Naruto being infatuated with her and probably said her name about a dozen times a day. At least. Seriously, a guy could remember hundreds of different seal strokes and arrays, yet couldn’t remember the name of his own son’s crush and teammate? Maybe this was a bit of leftover insanity from being sealed up with Kushina for twelve years...

At least this was a relatively harmless form of insanity. The part of his brain that would every now and then spit out another contingency plan to his overall master plan for sneaking into Konoha’s prisons and killing that bastard Mizuki was probably not so harmless. Sure it was relatively benign for everyone else except Mizuki (Minato wasn’t willing to kill guards to get in since it wasn’t like Mizuki was going anywhere for a while) but what about after? Eh, he’d deal with that when he got there. Probably turn its attention on the orange-masked guy that caused this whole mess in the first place.

But he was getting off topic.

The All-Seeing Eye of the Super Thunder God Descending from the Heavens technique (he’d named it himself, though Kushina forbade him from ever saying that name aloud for some reason) was perfect for the girl. It didn’t require a lot of chakra to use, and while it didn’t _need_ chakra control to work, it certainly helped. The more control you had, the more detail you could gather from it and the wider and faster you could spread your senses.

It was hardly an offensive ability, but it would give her a trick up her sleeve, so to speak, for gathering information. Information was a powerful tool in the hands of an intelligent shinobi, and the girl was intelligent. Well, when she wasn’t being a fangirl, anyway. She just needed a bit of time and experience to temper it into something truly valuable.

A part of him could almost see her as an excellent healer-nin, but he wasn’t sure how much of that was him projecting Rin onto her. Maybe he’d suggest it to her and see what she thought? Healing wasn’t a strength of his, but he did know the basics and maybe a bit more than that. Enough to get her started at least.

Naruto was easy to figure out what to teach. Everything. Starting from most basic to least and prioritizing the techniques only Minato could teach him. Still, his son needed more chakra control before he could even start; and, from where he was sitting, that was only going marginally better than it had gone with is mother. Which was to say... slowly.

He really wasn’t sure what to do with the Uchiha kid, other than spar with him to help him improve his taijutsu. He could possibly teach him a few ninjutsu to add to his repertoire, but it was probably best if Kakashi spent more time on the kid to teach him sharingan-y things. Had he even unlocked that yet? Probably not, or he’d have used it in the fight with Zabuza.

He felt a presence at the edge of his senses and smiled as Kushina’s clone came closer. He couldn’t actually differentiate between a clone and the real person, but he assumed it was from what they’d been discussing last night. He ended his sensory network and stood up when his wife was about a minute away.

“Naruto, could you come here, please?”

The blond teen hopped up from where he’d last fallen off the tree, “Sure! Are you going to teach me some awesome jutsu?”

“Uh, no, not exactly,” Minato replied, trying not to let the disappointment on his son’s face get to him. “I can’t actually teach you much until after you learn tree and water-walking. Not only does it set the foundation for your chakra control in order to learn future techniques; but trying to be a shinobi without them is like being bird without learning how to fly.”

“Now you sound like Iruka-sensei,” Naruto pouted.

“Oh, hey, that’s right! I need to do something nice for that guy...,” Minato muttered mostly to himself. Certainly a good deed like that would offset a bit of the evil he planned for Mizuki, right?

No, wait, probably not. Giving Mizuki to Kushina was probably evil enough to have Karma bite his head off. Good thing he’d never been much of a believer in Karma.

His son was staring at him expectantly and Minato realized he’d forgotten to say why he’d called him over here. He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly for letting his mind wander. “As I was saying-”

“NARUTO!”

“-your mother is coming to teach you fuinjutsu,” the Yondaime finished just as a red blur collided with the younger blond and wrapped her arms around him tightly.

“Man, I have so many hugs to catch up on!” Kushina-clone exclaimed brightly. “So! Are you ready to become a seal master to make all other seal masters jealous?”

Naruto grinned back. “I don’t know what that means but it sounds awesome!”

“Oh, it is!” she replied. Then reached into her clothes and pulled out a somewhat thick scroll. “You just gotta memorize about a dozen of these worth of strokes and be able to write them perfectly while blindfolded!”

The horrified look on his son’s face made Minato chuckle. “You’re getting off easy, she made me do it blindfolded while dodging barrages of kunai.”

“That’s not until later, he’s only twelve!” she replied flippantly.

“I was eleven,” Minato dead-panned.

Kushina rolled her eyes. “Yeah, but you’re Namikaze Minato, so that hardly counts.”

“Why do people keep saying his name like it’s famous or something?” Naruto spoke up suddenly, frowning at the two of them. His scowl only deepened when they exchanged one of those ‘looks’ over his head.

“He still doesn’t know?” Kushina-clone asked, a slightly dangerous edge to her voice.

Minato grimaced. “I want to see how long it will take him to figure it out. Besides, I’m kind of enjoying just being ‘Dad’ and not ‘Yellow Flash’ or ‘Namikaze Minato the prodigy’ or... my other title.”

“I’m sitting right here, you know!” Naruto called out, then turned skeptical eyes on the elder blond. “You’re really that great? I don’t see it.”

His dad laughed at that. “That’s alright. If I had my way, you’d never have to see it. Unfortunately, life of a shinobi is not so kind. If we have to face off against both Zabuza and that hunter nin, I won’t have the luxury of holding back.”

“That’s only if they’re not smart enough to run for the hills the moment you show your pretty face and maybe flash your fancy jacket that’s been conspicuously absent the last few days,” Kushina retorted.

“What’s so scary about his face? And what jacket?” Naruto demanded loudly.

“Never you mind,” the redhead relented with a sigh. If her husband wanted to keep his secrets for little longer, she guessed she could oblige him. “We have some sealing strokes to master, and you still have a tree to climb.”

Minato shot her a grateful look as Naruto questioned her sanity at being able to do both at once and she began to explain the clone training theory. “I’ll be over here relearning chakra control if you need me.”

With that, he went back to sitting and meditating, and wondering if he should try chakra strings next. It used about the same amount of chakra as his All-Seeing Eye technique and-

An alarmingly familiar chakra signature crossed into his sensory range and he whipped his head around to stare in that direction. It was already gone, however, and no amount of extra searching in that direction revealed anything more. Hmm... spying on them maybe?

“Minato-sensei?” Kakashi asked quietly as he sat down beside him.

“I think... we’re being watched. They’re not coming close enough to try anything, though, and I’d rather not pick a fight with an unknown enemy just yet. I’ll let you know if that changes,” the Yondaime informed.

The jounin nodded and went back to reading his book, though his mentor could still see the faint traces of extra vigilance in him. Minato went back to his meditation, keeping an extra eye out for potential threats. His family was here, and _nothing_ would hurt them on his watch.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, gotta love Kushina... XD 
> 
> Thanks so much for hanging in there, I've been busy apartment hunting, but I will be continuing posting! Any comments or kudos are muchly appreciated and make me all warm and fuzzy inside! :D  
> -Py


	15. What's This? Actually Being a Ninja? O.o

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ninja stuff happens. And a big thing happens. Like a not-canon thing.

Naruto couldn’t help but frown as he lay prone panting for breath next to Sasuke. They were taking one of their ‘just-give-me-a-minute’ breaks between tree climbing attempts. He hadn’t made much progress past the halfway point, and Sasuke was _still_ ahead of him. At this rate he’d never catch up!

Suppressing a snarl, he tried to get back up again for another try. Not to be outdone, the Uchiha beside him did the same, but they both fell limply back to the ground before they’d even gotten halfway. Naruto shot the dark-haired boy a glare that was returned in full. Looked like they needed more than just a minute to rest this time.

Breaking the mini-staring contest, the light-haired teen turned to regard the other blond in the clearing, seemingly lost in a meditative trance. His dad had been like that all day, just... sitting. He’d said he was training chakra control, but Naruto had yet to see it. Maybe he was lazy like Shikamaru and using ‘meditation’ as an excuse to sleep?

Except just about everyone kept saying the man was supposed to be really strong. Enough so his mother had even said Zabuza might run away at the sight of him. Zabuza! The guy who’d fought Kakashi-sensei toe to toe! Just how powerful was his father?

“Oi, Teme,” he spoke aloud, trying to keep his voice low as he turned to face his rival. “Do you know why people keep treating my dad like he’s famous?”

“Hn,” the Uchiha grunted negatively with an underlying tone of ‘I-couldn’t-care-less’.

Naruto forged on obliviously anyway. “What was it Sakura-chan called him? Yellow Flash? Does that ring any bells?”

In spite of himself, Sasuke’s brain couldn’t help but latch onto the puzzle. The name did sound vaguely familiar. Like he should know it. Like something he’d learned long enough to pass a test, then promptly forgot in the face of more important matters. Like training; and planning fratricide.

He shifted his gaze to the elder blond critically, but it didn’t help much other than to reinforce the nagging feeling that he ought to know already.

“He said he and mom had sealed away the kyuubi, but didn’t the Yondaime do that?” Naruto continued, mostly to himself. “Oh, I know, I bet they helped him!”

Right as his teammate spoke, the man in question opened his eyes to turn and see why he was being stared at. For a split second, right before his face softened into the familiar friendly curiosity, Sasuke saw it. The harsh calculating expression that made you feel sorry for anyone who called this man an enemy. A brilliant strategist, ruthless killer and unhesitant leader rolled up into one package. That brief look combined with Naruto’s words and the vague memories...

Just like that the pieces fell into place and Sasuke _knew._

No way. No _frickin’_ way.

He tore his eyes away from the man when he blinked in surprise at the Uchiha’s sudden change of expression. The teen stared up at the slowly darkening sky and tried to deny what his logic insisted was true. Namikaze Minato, Konoha’s Yellow Flash and... the Yondaime hokage.

“Did you figure it out?” he heard Naruto ask excitedly.

Oh, yes. He had figured it out. Not that he was about to let the dobe know just how _exactly_ famous his father was. Honestly, Sasuke was ashamed at how long it had taken himself to recognize the man. His face was carved in stone above their heads for everyone to look up and see!

Grunting non-committally, the dark-haired teen leapt to his feet, ignoring the burning protests of his overused muscles. Naruto was right behind him with a yelp of surprise as they charged their respective trees. The idiot could puzzle it out on his own. Sasuke had training to do.

* * *

 

It was cold, Minato noted, flaring his chakra just a bit to keep from shivering. Night so close to the coast where the moisture from the ocean clung to you and sucked out every bit of heat was like that. Not that he was complaining, exactly, it was actually kind of refreshing to be this cold for the first time in twelve years. He just took note of it in case it factored into any of his plans.

He shifted his weight to distribute it more equally amongst the three limbs he was using to stick to the surface of the wall. He scanned the premises spread out below him, carefully taking note of all visible security measures surrounding his current target. It wasn’t much. These people were obviously hired and organized by a civilian. Konoha’s dumping grounds had better security than this, and Minato sincerely wondered how this ‘Gatou’ person had never been assassinated before now.

Oh well, as far as the Yondaime was concerned, the greedy business man had signed his death certificate the moment his minions had threatened the ex-hokage’s son. He was a dead man, he just didn’t know it yet.

He had brought the idea of killing Gatou to Kakashi’s attention right after they’d dragged the kids inside and Kushina had practically tied them to their beds. They’d foolishly believed they’d be allowed to train all night. The redhead had been quick to dispel them of _that_ idea. They could be attacked at any moment, they didn’t have the luxury of being able to run themselves ragged. They had to be ready, or as ready as they could be, at all times.

Kakashi had thought about the idea and agreed. The jounin hadn’t been in any condition to sneak into an unknown enemy stronghold and kill their leader, but Minato was; and he’d do anything to keep his son safe. He didn’t plan on doing _all_ of his son’s missions for him, but this C-turned-A-rank mission was something the Yondaime had no qualms about nipping in the bud.

Though, now that he’d actually seen the place, Kakashi was probably more than a match for this place, injured or not. That just meant that Minato could finish this all the quicker and be back with his family.

He smiled as he felt the Hiraishin seal he’d left behind at the back of his mind. It was placed on one of the clones Naruto had made for learning fuinjutsu and sitting next to a no-doubt fuming Kushina. She had not been pleased to be left behind. Still, somebody had to stay behind to watch over the kids, and Kakashi needed his rest. So he was acting solo tonight, which was alright by him.

The guard patrol disappeared around a bend and Minato dropped down to dart through the opening. He was henge’d into a non-descript brown-haired, brown-eyed man wearing all dark clothing. He was careful to remove anything that might have identified him. He was doing this for personal reasons, after all, no need to associate the village with it. Even though this was technically part of a village mission.

He paused behind some poorly positioned decorative shrubbery to take a quick chakra sense of his surroundings. Find the place with the most guards, that’s where his target would be...

What he found shocked him. There was a... hole -that was the only word he could think of to describe it- in the image he got back. Everything had chakra in it, the air, the rocks... _everything_. An empty space like that shouldn’t have been possible. Disturbed by the implications of such a thing, Minato headed towards it. It also happened to be located in the place with the most guards, so he could spy on it and his target at the same time.

He quickly scaled the wall and positioned himself beside the third-story window that looked in at the room. He didn’t peek through it, that risked too much chance of being discovered, he just enhanced his hearing with chakra and kept up a sense of his All Seeing Eye technique. It wasn’t quite the same as ‘seeing’ the room, especially with that giant hole in the middle of everything, but it was good enough for his purposes. Hearing was more important than seeing, at the moment.

“... the man you want me to kill?” a rough voice was saying.

“Yes, his name is Tazuna, and he’s be-” another, more arrogant voice tried to reply but was cut off.

“Is he a shinobi?”

“No, but-”

“Is he a samurai?”

“No-”

“Some sort of other combat specialist?”

“N-”

The void shifted slightly and a loud bang of something colliding with and tearing through tough wood interrupted him. “Why the _hell_ are you hiring _me_ to kill this fat old civilian?!”

“M-My desk! How _dare_ you-”

“Get over it. If you have the assets to afford _me_ then you can afford a new desk.”

“You-! _I_ am the client, and _you_ work for _me_! That’s coming out of your pay!”

The other man snorted. “Yeah, good luck with that. I’m sure stitch-face would just love to hear your excuses for short-changing us.”

“You insolent-!”

“Shut up. Your voice is annoying, and it’ll be my head if I kill a client. The deal was half payment up front. Hand over the money and your bridgebuilder is as good as dead. I’ll collect the other half after.”

Minato used the pause in conversation to think. So Gatou was hiring another mercenary? He probably had to after Zabuza had been beaten so soundly by Kushina. Things were getting complicated, and he had no idea how strong this new enemy was. He was going to try to dart in there and kill Gatou before anyone could react but... that hole. It set off warning bells in his mind. It was dangerous, and not to be underestimated.

“Good,” the rough voice started, getting the Yondaime’s attention again. “Consider me hired. I’ll start by dealing with that pesky fly on your wall.”

Minato’s eyes widened in surprise as the void shot towards him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who? X3


End file.
